Odd Jobs
by PinkPlagueRat
Summary: What happens when times are tough for the HTF's ? They'll have to leave the life of all fun and get a job! What kind of jobs will they get? How will it go wrong? What kind of funny things will they do? Read to find out. Reveiw!
1. Toothy

THIS IS LIKE A FUNNY COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES I PUT TOGETHER AND THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL! RATED T FOR CURSING AND VIOLENCE

CHAPTER 1 – TOOTHY

"God damn it! Those greedy bastards are cutting my pay check again" Toothy yelled as he threw the bills all over the place "If this keeps up I'll have to start working two jobs!" Toothy went to the fridge and got out a can of beans (which where somehow his favorite comfort food for whenever it was moments like this that made him depressed).

Toothy got up and went to the dish drainer and took the can opener (it was manual) He went back to the table and tried to open it. " Shit! I forgot, it's broken after lumpy tried to used it! Great now I can't buy another one because my bills are piling on top of me and I can't afford to spend a penny on my needs!" Toothy yelled as he threw the can.

His stomach started to rumble, "ohhh I forgot I have to go to the supermarket today, and I only have 50 dollars that can't buy shit!" Toothy looked at the can of beans he threw on the floor and then clenched his stomach as it growled. Toothy got up and ran to the can as if they were five people trying to get it.

Toothy looked at the can and groaned "Oh well might as well use these over sized Teeth mom gave me" Toothy held the can in a firm grip and sunk his teeth into the can, once they were lodged in, he tried to turn the can counter clockwise, but his tooth was wasn't moving he tried harder and harder and harder until SNAP! Toothy opened his eyes and screamed "aahhh!" he ran around in circles for a few seconds and then he picked up the can he pulled the chipped tooth from the can and then went to the dentist (the one where he works at)

(Time Skip- 20 minutes)

Toothy was in the eerie white waiting room "Next" and old grouchy lady said, Toothy got up and went to room 49. Toothy walked down the hall , went in the room and sat down. A new dentist came in _that's weird I never saw her working here before._ Toothy thought.

"I'm kinda new here so I don't know if you're records are here or not so I have to ask you a couple of questions. "have you ever came here before or is it your first time here?" "Yes I've came here before" toothy responded. "What's your name?" "Toothy" "alright toothy do you have insurance or are you going to pay up front" "I don't have insurance and no I'm not paying up front."

The blue beaver just stared at toothy. "Sir you're going to have to pay if you want us to fix your tooth" She said a little annoyed. "No you don't understand, I work here so I get full benefits, I'm just on vacation" Toothy said. "Really you work here? Well what room did you used to work in" she asked curiously "I used to work in room 49 which is this one" Toothy responded.

"Yeah… um you see, I was hired to work in this room full time and permanently so they probably laid you off because we have no records" She said trying not to anger toothy. "What! They laid me off! How could they do that and then hire someone else and now they're making my hard earned 45,000 dollars a year salary! Toothy yelled not even caring about his teeth anymore.

"well I could talk to my boss about it and maybe we'll straighten this out" She said nervously. "Gladly" Toothy said in a pissed of way. In no time was in front of his former boss' door KNOCK KNOCK! Toothy was knocking on the door for a few seconds when it turned into banging.

The door opened and the beaver just walked past toothy fastly, Toothy who was getting pissed at the dentist's behavior just marched right in. He arrogantly took a seat. "Lumpy! What the hell! I was working here just fine and now you fire me?!" "duh tooty, you um, uh been coming here late and not doin' a good job so you're fired" Lumpy said stupidly.

"Fired? FIRED! He can't do this do me I'm like one of the best dentist's that work here!" Toothy yelled as he marched out the office. "I'll get a better paying job and a better one, you'll see!" Toothy called out ._stupid blue moose he probably doesn't know how to write the damn paycheck_

(Time Skip 3 hours)

Toothy was at happy burger with cuddles, giggles and Flaky. "Toothy aren't you gonna eat you're fries , when they get cold they get nasty" Giggles said in a peppy way. "I'm not in the mood for eating" toothy said in a muffled voice as he buried his head in his hands. "So why did you make me waste my money to buy you French fries in the first place? You do know money doesn't grow on trees for me I mean times are tough thes-"

Toothy cut giggles off. "Money doesn't grow on trees! Ha you're funny, you're a fucking medical assistant making 50,000 dollars a year, and you get full benefits! Your house is fucking huge! You can spend your leftover money on whatever shit you want and still pay your bills! Plus you make extra income off that crappy ass lemonade stand you and your dumb friend put up so don't tell me times are tough and money doesn't grow off trees because you don't know what it's like to loose your job and to be in debt! Toothy yelled hysterically in a crazy way making a scene.

Toothy got up and threw his fries away and left the restaurant. "what crawled up his ass?" Cuddles said annoyed. "nothing he's just depressed that he lost his job and his bills are piling on top of him, I wish I could help him somehow"

BACK AT TOOTHY'S HOUSE

"God damn it! I need a job! But all I have are degrees in dentistry, and no one's hiring any dentists any time soon, I might as well give up my house because I'm also in foreclosure. Toothy walked outside, it was unusually windy especially in august. While we was walking down the sidewalk a newspaper struck toothy in his face. "ughh, stupid people and their damn newspapers flying all about" Toothy pulled the newspaper off his face and was about to crumple it when his eyes caught sight of help wanted add.

(ad)_ if you have more than 5 years of experience, or a masters in dentistry then this job is right for you! You get full benefits, you have a 8 hour work day and decent salary earnings_ "well I know I don't get newspaper jobs but I have to settle even if I think I'm earning minimum wage" toothy looked at the address "967 maple street I'm pretty sure that's on the poor side of town" Toothy said to himself.

In no time toothy was in front of a small skinny building with a bunch of cracks in it_ I've got a bad feeling about this_ Toothy deep breath and walked right in. There was a pink old squirrel smoking a cigarette "you here for the job?" she said in a grimy man-like voice. "uh yeah" Toothy said nervously "good, then you're hired you start right away" Nutty was in room 8 the jittery squirrel couldn't even keep quiet. "Okay uh, nutty" toothy said squinting at the charts "It says you have a cavity open up" _wait a minute a cavity I don't know how to treat those!_ Toothy went in the drawers and took out a manual.

"Okay" toothy said he took out a pick and started to toggle around with nutty's rotten tooth, he took up the numbing shots and stabbed it in nutty's cheek he took up a drill and started to drill the rotten tooth out until the battery died. Nutty gave a sigh of relief. Until toothy pulled out a new battery and started to drill once again. Toothy pushed the drill harder and harder until the drill sideswiped the tooth and drilled a huge hole in the back of nutty's mouth. Nutty's face was beginning to turn pale from blood loss. Toothy thought for a moment, the pulled a long floss string and tied around nutty's tooth. He attached the other end to the door knob across the hall, he knocked on the door and the door flung open leaving only 5 good teeth on the floor . "um your all done!" toothy said nervously.

OKAY NOT ONE OF MY BEST SHORT STORIES BUT THE NEXT ONE WILL BE EVEN BETTER! CH 2-FLIPPY IS COMING IN 2-3 DAYS! PLEASE COMMENT OR REVIEW NO FLAMES!


	2. Flippy

HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!! LOL THIS CHAPTER WAS FUNNY I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING WHEN I MADE IT!!

CHAPTER 2-FLIPPY

It was a warm sunny morning, the birds were chirping, and the beautiful sound of no noise was always presen- "What the hell!?! Those greedy mother fuckers are cutting my war benefits!" We now go a green oddly decorated army bunker inhabited by a green chubby bear (it's true! See double whammy pt 4) let's watch:

"I can't believe it those greedy bastards are slashing 30% off my benefits! Where am I going to get the money to compensate for the 30%!" (evil) _You could just do what those raccoon brothers do, steal the money!_

_(Flippy) No! I'm not stealing the money, stealing is wrong and I'm not going to jail for something that could've been avoided (evil) You know, sometimes I wonder how you were a solider in the first place _Evil's voice faded in Flippy's head.

"Flippy what's all that that yelling for it's six o'clock in the morning do you have to do that now! Get your green ass back in bed!" Flaky yelled from the bedroom upstairs. "I can't I have some errands to do!" He yelled back Flippy put on his usual army fatigues and head out the door.

(Time skip 50 minutes)

"Okay what are your qualifications or skills?" "Let's see, I have a high school diploma I fought in the war for about 6 years, and I never went to college." Flippy replied. "Let's see what kind of jobs we have for your skills, Okay! We have a ditch digger, cashier, you can de-feather chickens, oh or you could clean up after elephants at the circus"

The guy behind the counter said . _(evil) a fucking ditch digger? I'm not subjecting myself to menial labor, I'm a high ranking solider! _"So what jobs will you take?" The guy said.

"Well that depends… what job pays the highest?" Flippy said. "Cleaning up after elephants at the circus. "How much does it pay?" Flippy asked. "22,000 dollars a year." "22,000 that's more than they cut off" Flippy said to himself. "I'll take it" "good show up to work tomorrow at 8:00 am sharp."

Flippy walked out the office "I can't believe I'm cleaning up elephant shit as a job."

BACK AT FLIPPY'S HOUSE

"Flaky I got a job" Flippy said in a low disappointed voice "Really what kind of job doctor, lawyer, scientist!" Flaky said eager to find out what kind of job her boyfriend. Flippy sighed. "I clean up after elephants at the lumpy's circus."

Flaky's smile soon faded in to a frown, then a huge grin on her face. "You clean up after elephants! Ha! Flippy cleaning up animal shit I've got to get the video camera, your family is gonna laugh at you forever!" Flaky said hysterically while laughing on the floor.

"It's not that funny, I'm just doing this until the economy gets better!" Flippy said, his voice was now turning serious . "Okay, okay I'll stop laughing but I'm coming with you tomorrow" Flaky said calming down.

THE NEXT DAY

" Flippy wake up it's 7:04!" Flaky said lazily shaking flippy off the bed. Flippy fell off the bed . "What the hell! Why'd you do that for?" Flippy said getting up. "It's 7:00 o'clock aren't going to go to your job? "yeah, yeah I'm goin' already."

Flippy walked towards the bathroom murmuring to himself. _I miss the days where I woke up at ten and went to bed at 3:00 in the morning now I'm stuck cleaning elephant shit form 8:00 to 4:00._

In no time Flippy was at the circus, " wow this isn't what I had in mind" Flippy said to himself. He got out his jeep and saw lumpy (who at this time was the ring master) "uh um are you here for da job?" Lumpy said stupidly.

"Yes I am my name is flippy" He said shaking lumpy's hand. Lumpy took up a shovel and tossed it at flippy. _(evil) oh damn a shovel? Exactly how big is the shit? And I feel so sorry for you (flippy) shut up sick bastard! _" so where should I start cleaning?" Flippy asked.

"duh.. over there' Lumpy pointed to a huge cage with 3 elephants in it behind them was a huge pile of shit behind them. Flippy's face turned dark green in the middle "Do I have to?" He took up a shovel and an oversized garbage bag and went in the cage. "Oh jesus, this stinks so fucking much, he put on a mask (the ones used in the hospital) Flippy started to shovel , when he shoveled again something bad happened .

In the pile of dung, there was a hard rocky part (gag) flippy pushed the shovel down as hard as possible and then tried to bring it up but it was stuck he pushed down harder, and harder, and harder until the shovel sprang up, but to flippy's dismay, the shovel had no dung on it . Flippy looked up and saw it heading for his face, he was mouth of gape. Before he started to run ,the pile of dung nailed him right in the face.

He stood there for a second and then ran around in circles for about 5 times then he smacked into the caged wall and fell on his back. _I should have chose the ditch digging job instead damn this stupid job, and now i've got shit all over my face!_

Flippy got up and ran to the bath room, he ran the water down his face for an hour (or at least until he gets the crap off his face) he took the soap and squirted it all over his face but he forgot to close his eye's "Ahhhh!" he screamed rubbing his eyes with with hands which only succeeded in geeting more soap in.

Flippy splased more water on his face and then looked in the mirror. _I look like a poor dirty hobo, you know what, i'm quitting! evil was right i'm not subjecting myself to menial labor! i'm gonna march in the office and tell that stupid blue moose what i think of this crappy ass job!_

Flippy went out the bathroom and walked towards the office ( which was past the tent) Flippy kicked open the door and nobody was there. "He must in be in the tent" Flippy said to himself. Flippy marched in the tent. He saw a cannon and cuddles going in the cannon, once the cannon launched it made a boom that reminded him of an explosion. Soon, flippy's eyes turned green, and his teeth turned sharp.

Evil was now in controll he saw giggles in the front crowd. He grabbec her and choked her he poured 3 barrels of powder in the cannon and then threw her in the cannon face first BOOM! giggles head was blown off. He walked up to lumpy "let this be a warning, i fucking quit!"

OMFG! THAT WAS FUNNY AND DISGUSTING AT THE SAME TIME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER OR THE ENTIRE STORY

CHAPTER 3 LIFTY AND SHIFTY IS UNDERAWAY!!!


	3. Lifty & Shifty

HERE'S LIFTY AND SHIFTY!

CHAPTER 3- LIFTY AND SHIFTY

"Come on lifty get your lazy ass up and come with me to the bank!" Shifty shouted. "I didn't know that you had an account for happy tree bank national." Lifty said. "who says I have a bank account? We're gonna rob the place cumwad now get your ass up and help me!" "well what if I said I don't want to and that I wanna sit here and watch tv?" Lifty protested "then I'll tell everyone that you never kissed a girl, you never had a girlfriend and that you're still a virgin at 19!"

"Let's go" lifty said gloomily. "that's what I thought you said" Shifty said back now lets go! Shifty grabbed lifty and two guns and left the house." Lifty and shifty got in the van and and drove off. "so what do we do, wear a mask and barge in pointing guns at everybody?" Lifty asked, "exactly" shifty said

Lifty and shifty parked their cars outside and went up to the front door they put on black masks and kicked in the door "all right maggots this is a robbery get down on the floor and cover your heads! Do it now" Shifty said as he pointed guns in every direction making everyone get down in rows.

"Go to the counter and asked the bitch for the money Lifty!" Shifty ordered. Lifty went over to the counter and pointed the gun at petunia, who was at the time the bank teller. "Give me the fucking money bitch or I'll pump your head full of lead!" Lifty shouted petunia quickly ran to the safe and pulled open the safe grabbing all the money she could. "Come on bitch I don't have all day!" Petunia ran back to the counter filling the money sack up to the brim.

Lifty headed towards the door with shifty following behind, "Good work lifty! It shames me that you're never gonna wear my fedora though" The two raccoon brothers ran to their van and threw the money in the back and sped off to their warehouse

(which they colonized when they first came to happy tree town) The two raccoon brothers opened the back door of the van and greedily grabbed their money. The two ran into the abandoned ware house and started to pour the money on the floor.

The two did their greedy signature laugh and jumped in the pile of money. "Hey shifty, with all the priceless riches, why can't we get a house instead if living in a shit hole ware house! Lifty said. "Well that's simple…. Uh, er because we don't want people questioning how we got a lavish house if we don't work"

"Yeah but I still want a house!" Lifty said in protest. "And what if I said no!" Shifty said back. "Then I'll tell everyone, including the police, that you drag me into robbing all the stores we go to, and you know that's true! Shifty was quiet for a moment.

"Fine we'll get a house but we have to get jobs to cover this whole charade up" "Yes! For one my older brother listens to me with his thick head!" Lifty said as he danced around. "You know I can still hear you, ya brat!"

20 minutes later

Lifty And shifty were at the supermarket. "Excuse me are you the manger?" Lifty asked trying to sound nice. "Yes I am" The green squirrel turned around to reveal his face. "Nutty!" Shifty said in shock. "Yep! The other manager shot himself in the head in the happy tree forest because the police found his finger prints on dead prostitute so I'm promoted!!"

Nutty yelled hyperactively. "Okay… we were here because we need a job." "Well the only two jobs we have left is a cashier and a mop boy" Nutty said calming down. Lifty and shifty looked at each other. "We'll take it!" They both said.

"Good the cashier job makes 24,000 a year and the mop boy job gets 19,000 dollars a year." Nutty said. "When do we start?" Shifty asked. "Right now! There's a checkout area that needs a new cashier, so what are you waiting for? Get to work!"

Shifty took the apron from nutty and got to work. "So when do I start working?" Lifty asked. Nutty threw a mop at Lifty. "You start right now, there's a spill in aisle three" Lifty took the brown dirty mop from his head. The mysterious brown water was on his paw, he smelt it. "Ew! That's not water at all! It smells like it was used to clean the men's bath room! Lifty went to aisle three and started to mop up the spill.

"Excuse me, do you know were the snack aisle is?" Lifty turned around to see who asked such a stupid question. It was a very obese beaver lady who looked like she had more than 3 chins. _For your size you shouldn't even think about the snack aisle _Lifty thought. "well, are you gonna answer me or stare at me like you're a jackass!" The woman said sounding like she was out of breath from saying fourteen words.

"Well now that you mention it ya fat bitch, you shouldn't even be asking for the snack aisle, may I suggest aisle 7 with all the organic vegetables and slim fasts?" Lifty said. "Wha-" The beaver lady smacked lifty with her huge oversized tote bag. "Damn lady what's in that bag, hamburgers!" Lifty called after her while she was walking away. "Hey you're not supposed to insult the customers! Because of you that's 5,000 a month going out the door! That was my best customer!" Nutty said from behind Lifty.

"Yeah well she insulted me first so I have a right to say something back to that fat bitch!" Lifty said in protest. "Just get back to work lifty"

--

SHIFTY'S TIME

Shifty seemed to have no problem checking out the food for people but he did have a problem with the kind of people who would bitch over the prices going up and down from day to day. Let's watch:

Beep, beep, beep "Okay ma'am your total is one hundred three dollars and ninety eight cents." Shifty said in his kind voice (which isn't that kind) "What! I bought the same items last week for only eighty eight dollars how can you tell me that it's gone up over twenty dollars!" The old lady said.

"Listen here lady, I just started working here today so I don't know anything about the prices. So are you going to bitch, or are you going to pay the money!" Shifty said looking as if he was going to jump over the counter and tackle the old woman.

"Hmph, fine I'll pay but this is the last time I'm never coming back to this supermarket." The old lady said while taking her bags. "Well fine bitch, just get up and leave! I hope you'll find store that specializes in selling fucking oxygen because that's the only thing that's cheap!" Shifty yelled after her.

"Hey what the hell are you doing! You cant just drive away our customers, do you know how hard we worked to get those customers! And now were gonna loose them to our rivaling supermarket!" said a timid voice.

Shifty turned around to see who the voice belonged to. As if he didn't know, it was flaky, a red timid porcupine who didn't really stand up for anybody. "Why do you care, shouldn't you be at home washing dishes or cooking or-" SLAP! Flaky's hand left a red imprint on Shifty's face. "You're so fucking lucky I have witnesses around me" _I'm gonna kill Lifty for getting me into this whole working thing! _Shifty thought.

--

"Damn! I fucking hate working!" Lifty said while he was mopping up the vomit left from when cub threw up all over the floor, "It seems as if every plan I have back fires! Why! Is it because my life is cursed, or is it because I'm the younger brother therefore I have a miserable life." Lifty murmured to himself. "Hey Lifty!" A familiar voice called. Lifty turned around. "Petunia?" Lifty said turning around. As he took one step closer Lifty slid and fell on the vomit face first.

Lifty squirmed violently while petunia stood over him laughing, "Shifty! He uh told me about your little life story…" Petunia burst out laughing "Oh come on! Who the hell is a virgin at 19!.. 19! I can't believe a person like you likes a person like me!" Petunia starting laughing and talking to herself as she walked away. _Damn it! Everything I do always back fires at me! I knew I should've never suggested this in the first place _Lifty thought.

AWW POOR LIFTY, BUT ANYWAYS, I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! DON'T FLAME IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT! PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER OR THE WHOLE STORY, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! CHAPTER 4- NUTTY COMING IN 3 DAYS!


	4. Nutty

OK HERE'S NUTTTTTTTYYY!!!!!!!!

CH 4 NUTTY

It was a nice Sunday morning, the birds were chirping and the children were playing, we now go to the candy cane decorated tree that is inhabited by an intelligent species: the squirrel. Let's watch his actions

( Lol I can't stop doing that!)

There was a clean bed that looked like somebody already made it. All over the room were candy rappers, half-eaten chocolate bars, bitten lollipops, candy canes and a huge pile of… candy. "Ahhhh" Nutty burst out the pile, yawned, stretched, scratched his ass ( I got that from chew said a mouthful ) and headed towards the bath room. Nutty started to brush his teeth. After a few brushes later Nutty pulled out a big grapefruit on a stick and then dunked it in a sugar bowl nearby.

Nutty put down the grape fruit and looked over to the soda can. Nutty snapped the top of the soda can and poured half of it in his mouth he then started to gurgle it around like it was mouth wash and then swallowed it. "Ahhh."

Nutty walked over to his draws in his usual sluggish ways. He opened the top drawer. "Ohhhhhh!" He looked at his usual candy décor he would wear on his face. First he licked the candy apple and stuck it on his forehead. The he took up two lollipops, one big swirly one, and one small round purple looking one. After he licked them he started to laugh hyperactively and stuck it on his cheeks. He started to

laugh hyperactively . Nutty took up a candy cane, licked it and started to jackhammer towards the mirror. He placed it slantedly on his stomach.

He walked downstairs into the kitchen and yawned again. There was a brown bag newt to the coffee maker. He opened up the brown bag and dumped the jelly beans ( Instead of coffee beans) In the grinder a few minutes later, Nutty was pouring the coffee into his mug (the liquid was somehow brown!) He tasted it. "Ech!" He looked at the small sugar bowl and took a spoonful of surgar, but instead of doing that he dumped the whole bowl into the coffee laughing in his usual hyperactive way. Nutty took two sips "Ech!'

Nutty got up and walked towards the sugar cabinet while still sipping on his coffee he opened the cabinet and saw ripped bags of empty sugar, and spider webs. Nutty spat out his coffee "I have no Sugarrrrrr!!!" He yelled hysterically.

(Time Skip 25 minutes)

Nutty walked into the supermarket still laughing and jack hammering. Nutty went to the sweet section and took up marshmallows and licorice he put it on the scale. "55 POUNDS!" Nutty yelled _That's gonna cost more than what I pay for sugar hmmm… I wonder_ Nutty looked around to see if any body was watching he slurped down at least twenty pounds of licorice. Nutty turned his head to see a huge jawbreaker (with angelic music playing and a heavenly light shining down) "Oooohhhhh!" Nutty ran towards the jawbreaker and tried to bite it but it was no use.

Getting frustrated, Nutty started to bite down harder, and harder, and harder until… SNAP! Nutty's lower jaw was dangling down with blood rushing from it "Ahhhhhh!!" Nutty somehow managed to scream. Twenty seven minutes later nutty was sitting on a hospital bed with swollen cheeks. Doctor Lumpy ( At least he has a job) Held up an X-ray of Nutty's broken lower jaw. "Hmmm" Lumpy walked out the room for a few minutes.

About five minutes later Doctor Lumpy came back in the room with an assistant and a wire wrap In his hands along with a clip. Giggles was holding numbing agents, anesthetics, and metal plating. Nutty yelled and tried to leave (He hates any type of mouth surgery or any dental thing done to his mouth ever since Toothy messed him up) Giggles pushed Nutty back in the Hospital bed. "You need this surgery you can't risk an infection."

Giggles took up the needle. "Open your mouth." "Wh-why?" "Ahhhh!" While nutty said why giggles stuck the needle up Nutty's cheeks and lips. Lumpy came and started to put the metal plates in nutty's mouth then started to wrap the metal wires around Nutty's teeth. A few hours later Nutty opened his eyes to see Lumpy standing by him. "Mmm!" Nutty tried to yell in a muffled voice. "Do you have insurance?" Doctor lumpy asked .

Nutty tilted his head to the right obviously trying to say "What the fuck does that mean?" Nutty simply just shook his head saying a muffled "No" "Okay, then that will be 8,00 dollars Nutty" Lumpy said putting the bill on him. "Wha?" Nutty said confused. "If you don't pay the money then we'll sue you for it and it will ruin your credit."

Nutty walked out the hospital. _Oh man, where am I gonna find 8,000 dollars, my ass? Why does life have to be so hard on me? _Nutty kicked a can aside walking the lonely streets back to his house. Nutty opened the door and looked around at the house and all the meaning less things Nutty had that were valuable, _Maybe I could pawn my jewelry? _Nutty took up a newspaper and sat back in his chair reading.

He turned the page to see the job listings page. "Window washer? Hmm… 1,000 dollars a week?!" I'll take that job!" Nutty said triumphantly "Oww! My jaw" Said sitting back down.

The next day nutty grabbed the paper and cut out the ad. "1357 cunning street? That's the city parts!" Nutty took off and ran out the door

Nutty left his house wearing a suit ( Nutty in a suit?) _Okay Nutty you can do this, no candy, no staring at the hot girls in the city, and no hyperactive laughing _Nutty told himself. _What if they don't like me? In a few moths they'll be suing me, then they'll probably take my house to make up for the debts!._

After a twenty seven minutes of driving Nutty stopped at the first stop sign. He looked to the left to see a luxury chocolate store. "Ohhhhhhh! Candyyyyyyyyyyy!" Nutty started going crazy He pressed the gas "Excuse me! Watch it! Comin' thru!" Nutty yelled as he raced through the traffic. The light was red but nutty raced through the traffic causing two cars to smash together causing an explosion. There was a gas tanker truck turning the corner.

Nutty was now driving at one hundred and forty miles per hour. He t-boned the gas tanker truck causing and explosion behind the car (Luckily he drove away just in time) Bodies dropped all over the road."1357 cunning street, where the hell is that?" Nutty said to himself. "Aha!"

Nutty double parked his car and ran in to the room. Surprisingly nobody was there was no body there except a white squirrel in a corporate casual suit that consisted of a blazer and a shirt. "I-I'm here for the job!" Nutty said trying to catch his breath. "Well good you're the only person who wanted the job" The white squirrel said looking up from the papers. "W-why?" Nutty asked. (Cut back to a scene where Cuddles was window washing from the fiftieth floor and the scaffold breaks causing cuddles to get impaled on the needle of the hot dog stand.)

"I'll take it!" Nutty said excitingly. "Good! Now get to work" The white squirrel yelled. Nutty was on the scaffold washing the windows. _I feel so poor doing this I'm here washing windows for these stuck up rich cumwads. _

The height was so high it began to make our candy loving squirrel feel queasy. The middle of his face turned dark green. "Blech!" Nutty vomited over the edge Petunia happened to be walking in the same direction Nutty vomited. Unfortunately, the vomit nailed petunia right on the head. "Ewwwwwwwwww! Ew! Vomit!" She ran delisionally into the busy streets where a truck ran her over sending her intestines flying everywhere on the nearby windows like tetris pieces.

"This job is so boring! All I do is wash shitty dirty lookin' windows for these corporate fat cats that run and dominate the city!" Nutty said to himself. Nutty pulled the scaffold up going to the next window level. "un-be-lievable, How does actual shit get on the windows?!" Nutty started to scrub harder and harder. "Damn it! Why wont this shit come off! And why am I trying so hard to please these fat ass office workers I'm a green candy loving' squirrel for god's sake!

INSIDE THE BUILDING……

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Flaky, Happy birthday to you!" All the background office employees cheered and gathered around a huge buffet table. It had everything, from donuts, to cake, to ice cream, to soda to ,chips and dips, candy, and not to mention all the colorful looking gifts. Flaky opened one of the gifts. A glass heart? What's that's supposed to say about me? Ughhh," Flaky opened the next one.

"A plush toy that looks like Flippy? Who's the jackass that gave me this? What use could this be besides hugging it and for décor!?" "F-Flaky, as the daughter of our boss it's in our best interest that you're happy, and when you're happy our jobs and salary is happy, he-he" A nervous employee said.

"Y-yeah? So this is the only reason why you're nice to me? So I won't have you fired? Well in that case you're all fired!" Flaky said. "P-please I need this job to support my family!" The same nervous employee said. "W-well all of you are screwed unless a green squirrel crashes through the window and goes crazy" Flaky said trying to assert herself.

Meanwhile..

Damn it ! this shit won't come off! Nutty's stomach started to grumble. The only He could do in a time like this where he didn't expect to start right away was to clench his stomach and suck it up. He looked in the window to see a huge buffet full of sugary sweets and cake. "Ahaahahahahaha!" Nutty started to laugh hysterically. He jumped off the scaffold and dived to the lover window crashing in. Landing in a ball. (You know how the swat team enters your house?)

"Oooooohhhhhhhhh!" He crabbed cake in one hand and cookies in the other hand. First, Nutty stuffed the cake in his mouth first getting it all over his face and then the floor. Then he stuffed the cookies in his mouth. He started to jackhammer uncontrollably. He rushed over to soda, he squirted it in his mouth, then he took the ice cream and dumped it in his mouth. He started to foam at the mouth. He looked at the end of the table to see the one and only…. Candy cane?

Nutty rushed over to the end of the table and gobbled down the candy. "Somebody stop that diabetic squirrel!" Flaky screamed obviously getting scared Nutty got so hyped upon candy that he stared to twirl in a fast tornado ( Just like the Tasmanian Devil) Nutty spun around the whole office causing paper to fly everywhere. But unfortunately, one of the papers slit an employees neck causing them to fall in flaky's arms.

"Ahhhhh!" She screamed dropping the body and trying to run. Nutty unwittingly swirled into an office cubicle causing staples, thumb tacks, and sharp pens and pencils to fly around. Every body screamed and stared to run. One employee was running from the flying thumb tacks, but eventually they all stabbed her in the eyes, face, and mostly her neck. Another employee ( sorry I can't find names for them!) was running from the staples that were splitting and hitting everything.

He turned back to see Nutty swirling towards him. He ran to the edge of the room. "Phew!" He said to himself. He turned around to see Nutty rammed right into the guy and spun on him for about ten seconds. By the time he left the guy had the front half of his body hulled out like an apple core.

Nutty was now losing his candy stamina. "What the fuck is going on here ! you know our boss is in the other roo-" Nutty smacked into the secretary and they both fell down, but fell on top of her. "G-get off of me!" She yelled kneeing Nutty in his special place. "What did you do? All I asked for was a widow washer! Your-you're fried!" She yelled smoothing her skirt down.

"Ha-ha" Nutty laughed weakly, "You can't fire me cause I signed a two year contract!" Nutty said getting up. "Hmmm, you're right but Mr. Ten Thousand here says different." The secretary said waving a check with Nutty's name on it in front of Nutty's face. "Oooohhhh!" Nutty grabbed the check and Left. "bye bye bitches!" Nutty ran over the secretary again.

"Ahhhhh!" I paid back my eight thousand dollars already so the only left to ask is what am I gonna do with two thousand extra dollars? Wait a minute, I can go to the store and by all the candy I damned well please! Ahahahahah!" Nutty jumped up and ran to the candy store.

WELL I GUESS NOT EVERY THING ENDS UP BAD FOR THE HTF's! WOULDN'T YOU WANT NUTTY TO WASH YOUR WINDOWS IF YOU WERE I A BORING OFFICE JOB? I SURE WOULD LIKE HIM TO, HOW ABOUT YOU! ANYWAS PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER OR THE WHOLE ENTIRE STORY, TELL ME WHICH HTF YOU WOULD WANT TO GET A JOB! THANK YOU FOR THE REVEIWS KEEP THEM COMING!


	5. Splendid

OKAY HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER, AND PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST!

CHAPTER5-SPLENDID

It was winter, Giggles and Cuddles were having a snowball fight. Giggles threw a snowball at Cuddles. Cuddles laughed and ducked. Cuddles threw a snowball at Giggles, Giggles laughed and intentionally put her face up in the way. Giggles bent down and scooped up another snowball, but little did she know, she unwittingly scooped a pointy rock in the snowball. She aimed for Cuddles' face and threw it as hard as she could. Cuddles was joking around so he didn't move out of the way, the snowball nailed Cuddles right in the right eye. Cuddles fell down.

Meanwhile, Splendid was Flying his way to a Laundromat he walked in right passed Pop, a tan bear who smokes pot and wears a 1950's style robe and is also clueless. Splendid walked over to the washing machine and was about to put his clothes in. "Help! Help!" Splendid jammed 3 coins into the washing machine and flew off. He arrived to the scene to find Cuddles on the ground with blood leaking out of his eyes.

Splendid listened to Cuddles' heartbeat and tried to do CPR He put his mouth on Cuddles' mouth and blew his breath into Cuddles' mouth he listened for a heart beat, no use. He tried doing it again and still not response. Getting frustrated, Splendid opened Cuddles' mouth, Took a very deep breath and blew into Cuddles' mouth as hard as he could. Cuddles' body started to inflate but Splendid was too busy not to notice (especially when you have your eyes closed)

Cuddles' body grew and grew and grew until his body couldn't take the force much more, BOOM! Chunks of organs, tissue, body parts and blood were scattered everywhere. Apart from Cuddles, Giggles was on the floor, apparently the shockwave of the blast made her ears bleed.

Now she was deaf the only thing she heard was a piercing ringing noise. Splendid looked down at the body. "Sorry ma'am he didn't make it" Splendid took the stomach skin and covered Cuddles' face with it and flew off. Giggles who now was delusional and deaf fell off a cliff. She rolled down the hill and slowly started to form a huge snowball.

Splendid came back into the Laundromat. Cub was playing in the basket and fell in. Splendid heard a scream, he quickly dumped all the clothes that was in the basket into the dryer and flew off. Toothy and Petunia were building a snowman when they saw a huge snowball tumbling their way. Splendid got in front of them just in time but the snowball hit Petunia and Toothy anyway. Apparently, Splendid was a little off to the left.

Petunia and toothy were rolling downhill towards the trees which were in the middle of the path. Splendid used his laser vision and cut the snowball in two. A few seconds later, the halves of the snowball were bloody. The snowball now split in two and went two different ways. Splendid saw a tree house near by. Meanwhile Nutty and Sniffles were inside the tree house playing checkers when suddenly it was lifted up. Sniffles and Nutty were crushed on the floor.

Splendid took up the tree house and was waiting for the snowball to come his way, when the timing was right he swung the tree like a bat with all his strength. Handy was just finished shoveling the drive way when one half of the snowball hit the garage and splattered every where.

Handy got pissed and gave a frustrated look, he kicked the side of his house. The top of his house was covered in ice. When Handy kicked the house it cracked and slid off decapitating Handy's head from his body blood started to pour out from the middle of his brain, he stumbled for a few seconds and then fell flat on his back.

Splendid put down the tree house back in its place. In the tree house was blood and severed body parts every where. The other half of the snowball was headed strait for the town. "Shit!" Splendid said himself. He saw Lumpy driving a gas tanker truck. Splendid saw it as an opportunity, he took up the tanker truck and went ahead to the snowball's eventual path. Splendid smashed the truck down on the ground accordion style. Lumpy was trapped underneath the truck.

Lumpy tried to free the lower half of his body, but there was no chance, it was about as likely as Lumpy passing an IQ test. The snowball smashed into the tanker truck. Splendid used his laser vision and beamed it on the gas tank. A few seconds later, the truck exploded. It melted the snowball instantly, but unfortunately, the explosion melted more snow than Splendid could imagine. The mole was shoveling his driveway.

Flaky was screaming and running from the arising water. The water ripped through the town like a tsunami killing and drowning most of the tree friends its path. The water began to rise, wrecking homes, cars, and personal belongings. Splendid took a deep and dived into the water. Splendid drilled a hole on the surface he drilled deeper and deeper. Splendid lost his breath and flew back up above the water. Splendid watched the water drain out in a twister. Every single Happy tree town citizen was sucked in.

Lifty and Shifty were sitting around a purple table looking at their money and laughing greedily "Tee he he he he! Huh? Ahhhhhh!" The two brothers screamed. Within seconds, the twister consumed nearly the whole town. Flaky was screaming, the mole acted like he was taking a shower, Mime was silently screaming, Disco bear died looking like he had a disco seizure, and Flippy's bed was being sucked in with Flippy still sleeping on it.

All the water drained out leaving only Giggles, who was moaning delusionlly. Splendid looked down at the town and hummed heroically acting like he did a good job. Splendid heard the buzzing of his dyer go off and he flew away. Meanwhile Giggles got up she was still deaf and confused. The ground began to shake and rumble Giggles realized it and looked down in the hole to see what was wrong, lava spewed up caught Giggles head on fire she ran around screaming and eventually died. The lava was rising and destroying what was left of the City areas of happy tree town.

--

Splendid arrived at the Laundromat humming heroically. He flew past pop who got annoyed again. Splendid opened his dryer and found something strange. "Red shirt, red shirt, red jeans, read underwear, red thong, red pant- huh! Oh my god! Holy shit!" Splendid saw blood organs, skin, and a hat that was stained red in the dryer. Splendid looked around to see if anyone was watching then he took off and flew past Pop again. Pop grunted and fixed his newspaper.

(Time Skip- 3 days)

"Well, well, well Splendid you call yourself a god damned superhero?! You killed the whole fucking town, damaged their property and the whole city! And on top of that, you caused 4 million dollars in damage what do you have to say for your sorry ass excuse for a superhero?" The mayor yelled in Splendid's face causing spit missiles to hit his face. "I-I-Honestly I don't know what to say except for words I'm sorry"

"Right, your fuckin' sorry!? Well I am the sorry that I let you be a super hero in this town!" The mayor yelled. "Well I hope you can pay 4 million dollars or else were gonna revoke your superhero rights" _Mt super hero rights? I have a multi million dollar job, why the hell am I worrying? _"Splendid, Splendid, Splendid! Get your head out of your ass and listen to me what the hell are you starin' at? The mayor snarled while waving his hands in front of Splendid's face.

"Ha! I have a multi million dollar job, I can pay the debt off easily" Splendid said smugly. "Oh, well is that so? Then I hereby sentence you to service every single person in town whose house or property was destroyed by you for three antagonizing months! Starting today! And it's a good ass thing we rebuilt the city while you were off hiding somewhere. So here's your list of people to serve, enjoy!" Splendid's mouth dropped open. _Service? Its bad enough that I have to save these bastards but come on serve them!_

Splendid walked out the office reading the list to himself. "Lifty, Shifty, Petunia, Flippy, and Giggles. God after this I'm gonna need a smoke." Splendid Flew over to Lifty and Shifty's house He flew down to a warehouse that looked like it was abandoned. "Hello, anybody home?" "Tee he he he he he!" Splendid turned around to see the two kleptomaniac raccoon brothers . "You bastards better not try anything funny or else I'll waste both of ya!"

"Relax, we just want your help." Lifty said stepping out of the dark shadows. "I'm not robbing a bank for you!" "we don't want you to rob a bank, we just want you to do something for us " Shifty said. "Ughh what do you want?" Splendid said annoyed. "We want you to…clean our house." Shifty and Lifty said together. "Ughhh fine! But I hope your house isn't a shit hole!" Lifty and Shifty simply looked at each other in a sneaky way.

"Ok where do you want me to clean?" Splendid said trying to find a light switch. "Oh if you're trying to find a light switch you have you go downstairs and tap into our neighbor's electricity, oh and uh we want you to clean every where." Lifty said leading Splendid down stairs. "This is pointless! It's 10:00 in the morning just open the windows!" Splendid said flying up the stairs. He felt for the windows and then opened all of them. The bright sun light illuminated the room revealing everything. "Ahhhhhhh!" Lifty and Shifty shielded their eyes and tumbled back down the stairs.

"Holy shit! My God, nobody can be this filthy!" Splendid looked around at the messy dumping ground. Moldy pizza, half eaten big mac on the bathroom floor (you all know that scenario!) stolen items, the cursed idol, money, empty vodka bottles ,_Wow for nineteen year olds they are really fucking messy_ , beer cans, bras, panties ,thongs, old food, milk jugs, and old clothes were scattered every where.

Splendid held his nose.

Lifty and Shifty slowly came up the stairs, moaning in pain and rubbing their eye balls. "Um, guys quick question, why the hell do you have women's under wear in your house, and where are the stuff I'm gonna clean this shit hole up with, and how is there moldy ass food in here?" Splendid asked.

"Let's see, last night we had one hell of a party, and before that these hot girls got lost and we convinced them to stay over, and before that, we stole some food but then we got lazy and just threw it in the dark parts of the house and then the house got hot and yeah, mold grew." Lifty said. "Oh and uh here's all the stuff you need to clean up." Shifty threw splendid all the cleaning materials he could use. Splendid sifted through all the materials he got.

"Let's see I have a mop, broom, brillo pad, bug spray? Gloves, vacuum cleaner, sponges, air freshener, scrubbing bubbles, some other type of cleaning products, garbage bags, and a hazmat suit?" _My God no one's house could be so filthy that you need a hazmat suit! _ "Get to work! And don't use your laser vision this place is flammable." Lifty said going to the couch that was surprisingly clean. Splendid put on the hazmat suit.

Splendid took up the garbage bag and took up all the big stuff off the floor. He put the moldy food in the bag first but then got a huge surprise. A bunch of cockroaches scattered from the area. "Ew! I guess that's why they gave me the bug spray." Splendid grabbed the bug spray and spray and sprayed all the roaches. The spray left all of the dead roaches in a sappy pool of liquid. Splendid cringed. "Oh and by the way you have to wipe that up here" Lifty threw Splendid paper towels.

Splendid wiped the sappy mess. He gagged and cringed. Lifty and Shifty were the ones who were getting amused by Splendid's act. He proceeded to taking up all the beer cans. He took up one beer can, a huge beetle jumped out and crawled on Splendid's arm. "Get this shit off me!

" He threw the bug on the floor and stomped on it. A green nasty liquid came out. "Damn I have to clean that up too!" Splendid took out the cleaning spray. He got down on his knees and scrubbed the floor. Shifty was drinking soda, when he was done he burped, crushed the can, and threw it in the floor. "Hey super hero, ya missed a spot!" Shifty said laughing. "You know what? That's it I don't have to clean up a thief's house! I'm leaving" Splendid slammed down the equipment down and was about to fly away.

"Oh how contraire, you see if you leave we can complain and you'll loose your so- called job of a superhero" Lifty said smugly. Splendid flew back muttering curse words to himself. He put back on the hazmat suit and started to scrub the green goop off the floor. After five minutes of scrubbing the floor the spot was spot less. Splendid then went to the side of the room where there was mldy pizza and garbage from all the food that the two raccoon brothers stole.

Splendid picked up a green and blue half eaten pizza. The smell was so horrible that the smell pierced through Splendid's hazmat suit. Splendid fell back and coughed and gagged, after a few second he threw up. It was so much that it literally drowned Splendid in his own puke. He quickly got up and ran around in circles, he tried to pull the head mask off but it was no use. "Hey Shifty should we help him?" Lifty asked . "You want me to help the same guy that landed us in jail? Dream on he's a "super hero" her can help himself." Shifty said looking away.

Splendid got a grip of the helmet and pulled it off his head ,the vomit poured out on the floor. Splendid took deep breaths. He felt his face, it was covered In vomit. Splendid ran to the bath room and turned on the faucet, no water came out. "Who the fuck has no water in a bathroom!" Splendid looked around. "Oh hell no I'm not sticking my head in the toilet. Splendid held his breath and closed his eyes. He dunked his head in the toilet water and quickly pulled his head out the toilet and grabbed a towel.

Lifty and Shifty were on the floor laughing. Splendid stormed out. This time he was really pissed off. Lifty Shifty got up quickly pulled them selves up and looked at Splendid. "Wha-w-what happened to your face dude?" Lifty said cracking up again. "You did!" Splendid grabbed Lifty by his neck and threw him across the room. "Hey man, ease back your crushing my arm" Shifty yelled. "We promise not to play any tricks on you!"

Splendid threw Shifty down. "Good" _Wait a minute, I'm a super hero, I can fly!" _Splendid took up a garbage and opened it to it's fullest extent. He flew all around the room and swept the garbage in. He looked around the room expecting to see it clean. "Aw shit man! Now I have to clean all the shit off the carpet too?" "oh my god!" Lifty said recovering. "What?" Shifty said. "We have blue carpets!" He said excitingly.

"Not anymore!" Splendid ripped up the carpet and rolled it up. He threw the carpet out on the side of the road. "There now you guys have hardwood floors. I'm leaving now" Splendid flew out the window. "Hey wanna have another party?" Shifty said. "I'll get the beer!" Lifty said.

--

"Okay, who's the next person I have to help." Splendid said to himself. He took out the list and looked at it. "Petunia? Who the hell is that? oh it's probably that blue girl with the OCD. But where the hell does she live? Think she's a neat freak, so where's the most snotty clean place in town? The suburban area!" Splendid flew over to the suburban parts of town and went door to door asking "Are you Petunia?"

Splendid knocked on the door. "Are you Petunia?" "No! my name is Flippy! What the hell!" Flippy slammed the door in Splendid's face "Bitch." A blue skunk with an air freshener around her neck and a flower on her head approached Splendid. "Hi! Are you Splendid?" She asked cheerfully. "Y-yeah." Splendid stuttered. "Great I need you help. Follow me." Petunia led Splendid to her house. _I wonder if she has a boy friend._

"Okay here it is!" Petunia said. "So what do you want me to do?" Splendid asked. "I want you to order my books in alphabetically order starting with the author's name" Petunia pulled Splendid's arm and led him to the bed room and started to hyperventilate. "H-here it is it's all out of order!" Petunia yelled. Splendid sighed and sat down. "You know what I'm not wasting any time I'll just use super speed.

"Okay let's see Sherwood Anderson, Isaac Asimov James Baldwin John Barth Saul Bellow Stephen Vincent Benet Ambrose Bierce Arna Bontemps Ray Bradbury Pearl Buck Octavia Butler Truman Capote Willa Cather John Cheever Kate Chopin Sandra Cisneros James Fenimore Cooper Stephen Crane Joan Didion John Dos Passos Theodore Dreiser Ralph Ellison William Faulkner F. Scott Fitzgerald Ernest Gaines John Gardner Henry Louis Gates, Virginia Hamilton, Dorothy Parker Walker Percy, Edgar Allan Poe, Katherine Anne Porter,Chaim Potok Adrienne Rich Philip Roth J. D. Salinger William Saroyan Upton Sinclair Isaac Bashevis Singer John Steinbeck William Styron Amy Tan James Thurber Mark Twain Anne Tyler John Updike Kurt Vonnegut Alice Walker Robert Penn Warren Eudora Welty Dorothy West Thomas Wolfe Tobias Wolfe Herman Wouk and Richard Wright . Jesus! How many books does this girl read!

"Okay all done! Splendid yelled as he took off." "Thank you!" Petunia yelled after him. "Call me!"

--

"Ughh who else is there to service" Splendid looked at the list. "Holy Shit! Flippy? I heard that he has a evil side that kills people, not even the most elite could beat him! I hope I can…" Splendid Knocked on the door. "Are you Flippy?" Splendid asked. "Yeah why the hell do you wanna know?" Flippy snarled. "I was sent here to do what ever service you want me to, because I destroyed the town an-" "Oh yeah, you're the bastard that killed me in that twister, If you want to service me than, I want you fight me For my entertainment I was getting bored lately" Flippy said

"You wanna pick a fight with a superhero? Good luck" Splendid scoffed. "Fine, it's a good ass thing that I like a challenge!" Flippy went to his living room and took the sharpest sword from it's holster. _What is this bear thinking?_

Flippy came back in the room as quiet as a mouse. Splendid fell from the roof and crushed Flippy with his body weight. Flippy threw Splendid off making him land on the table breaking it in two. Splendid Flew into the kitchen. Flippy ran after him and swung his sword. "Shittttttttttttt!" Splendid yelled. Flippy cut half Splendid's tail off. Splendid raced to the other room. Flippy looked at the floor. There was only a short trail of blood but it didn't lead him anywhere.

"Hmm very smart, very wise but it's a good thing I can smell and trace blood, especially from my victims!" Flippy sneaked to the other room, out of nowhere A laser vision beamed out of know where knocking Flippy out. "How come he's not dead?" Splendid flew out of the parallel room. Flippy got up growling. His eyes were a menacing green-yellow color, his teeth were sharp and his facial expression was filled with hate and malice.

Splendid fired another laser beam. Evil used the sword and the laser beam bounced off the edges. And nearly hit Splendid. Splendid ducked and flew towards Evil Flippy. Evil duck and got out a box. "What the hell is that?" Splendid yelled. "Your enemy." Evil opened the box. And took out a green glowing nut ( Called a kryptonut) "How did you get that?" " Oh this thing, I killed the raccoons and stole it from them!"

Splendid flew as fast as he could away until he ran into a pink chipmunk

--

"I'm sorry" Splendid helped up Flaky. "So, uh what's your name?" Splendid asked. "My name is Giggles. He, he" _I see why _Splendid took out his list and saw the name Giggles. "Oh I think I know who you are, you're that guy who killed Cuddles and made me deaf, and on top of that you destroyed my house, my friends' house, all my stuff, and you killed a perfectly good tree to hit a giant snow ball! Do you know how much trees you kill when you do that? Hey are you listening?" Splendid sighed annoyingly and laser beamed her head off.

"God damn! You're such a bitch! How does your boyfriend put up with you!" Splendid looked around to see if any one was watching, then he bolted off. Back in his bedroom Splendid marked a calendar. "One day down, 62 days to go!"

WOW, I SPENT LIKE 3 HOURS ON THIS , WOW I DON'T EVEN SEE THIS AS A JOB ANYMORE, I SEE IT AS PUNISHMENT FOR A JOB HE DID WRONG! ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR THE REVEIWS PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS CHAPTER OR STORY.


	6. Evil Flippy

SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN A WHILE I WAS PRE-OCCUPIED WITH MY OTHER STORIES.

LOL! THIS CAME INTO MY HEAD; THIS IS KINDA LIKE THE SEQUEL TO THE FLIPPY CHAPTER! ENJOY!

FINALY THE GLITCH IS OVER!

CHAPTER 6- EVIL FLIPPY

Evil kicked the door open. He collapsed in his lazy chair and wiped the blood off his arms. _God, this killing thing is getting really boring!_ Evil looked at the table and saw a white envelope that said "Final Notice" in bold letters. "What the hell?" Evil grabbed the envelope and tore it open with his bowie knife.

Evil read the letter. "This is your final notice, you owe 10,000 dollars in credit card debt, failure to pay off your debt in two months will result in the foreclosure of your house." Evil stabbed the tabbed the table in pure anger. He kicked over all the furniture and then calmed down.

_(Evil) Yo bastard! Where the fuck are you! Come out you little shit! (Flippy) I flipped out? (Evil) Cut the shit! Why the hell do you think it's funny to sit back on your fat ass and not have a fucking job! Do you not know that their gonna take my- I mean our house! (Flippy) Really? Well I can't get a job! I didn't go to college, I went to war at eighteen years old! And I doubt that anyone will hire me so let them take my house!_

_(Evil) You little shit you're that lazy you're gonna make me- uh us homeless! (Flippy) Well I could move in with my girlfriend Flaky. (Evil) Really? Then if you move in with your "girl friend" you know you're gonna share her with me!" (Flippy) Well if you like this place so much, then you get a job and pay the bill cause I'm not doing it! (Evil) Fine but you'll have to stay in my mind for a whole two months! And I can do what I want when I want! _

_(Flippy) Well I still have control to stop you from killing so there's no way you can kill somebody! (Evil) You think that wouldn't you? _Evil went up to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed. _Shit! I can't believe a five star solider like me has to be reduced to…working!_

(Time Skip- 12 hours)

The alarm went off causing him to jolt up. He stabbed the alarm clock with his bowie knife and pushed the covers off of him and stumbled towards the bathroom. Evil looked at his reflection to see the real him staring back. _Well it's good to see I have control. _Evil brushed his teeth and splashed cold water on his face. Evil stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed a new army jacket.

_(Evil) so where the hell do I go to get a job? (Flippy) Go to the agency downtown! _ Evil sighed angrily and got in the jeep. "Why am I doing this!" He yelled angrily to himself . _(Flippy) Because you wanted to (Evil) Shut up! _Evil shook his head to clear out his thoughts. He came to a red light, what seemed like forever only was thirty five seconds. Petunia was crossing the street when Evil finally lost his temper.

He was about to push the gas until something stopped him. _(Evil) What the hell! (Flippy) I'm not letting you kill anybody! (Evil) Screw you, and watch me! _Evil broke free of Flippy's mental force and pressed down on the gas as far as possible. The jeep raced towards Petunia and ran her over squishing her body and sending the blood every where. Evil chuckled slightly. :Ew, now that was a juicy one!".

Twenty minutes later, Evil parked the car in front of a five- story building that looked like all the paint was chipped off of it. _I can't believe a five star soldier like me is going to find a job, especially a odd one! _ Evil kicked in the door to the building, everyone looked up from their desks and gasped. "Is that that psycho war bear?" Somebody said. Evil's ear twitched, he pulled out a bowie knife and at the same time threw it at the source of the sound.

The knife pinned a guy's head to the wall, then under the weight the body collapsed. Evil walked upstairs and opened the door (Finally) There was a lady behind the desk talking to Cuddles. Evil pushed Cuddles out the chair and sat down. "Listen lady, I want a job and I want one now!" Evil growled. "Hey! I was with somebody!" The lady yelled. Evil pulled out a grenade and held it up to her face. The lady froze.

"O-of course we'll find you a job!" She said sarcastically. "What are your abilities?" "Well if you must know, I'm a five star solider, I'm in top physical condition, and I have a high school diploma." Evil said nonchalantly. "Ok, well the only job available is a mascot" Evil lost it. "A fucking mascot! That's all a five star solider can be!" Evil calmed down. "How much does it pay?" "It pays $9.25 an hour"

_$9.25 an hour? Well it's my only option. _"I'll take it" He hissed. "Good, now show up to the place at 11:30, which is in two hours" The lady handed Evil the paper. "11:30? Don't jobs start like the next day?" "Hey I don't know what kind of job you think you're getting but this is minimum wage job" Evil stared at the lady for a few seconds and then slapped her. "Don't you get smart with me bitch!" Evil walked out the building cursing to himself.

Evil got I his car and slammed the door. _(Flippy) A mascot! Ha! Oh my god you're gonna be a mascot! (Evil) shut up cunt grabber! _

(Time skip- 45 minutes)

Evil parked his jeep in the parking lot and got out. "Holy shit on a stick, this can't get any worse, Disneyland? Are you guys fucking kidding me? I'm not dressing up a stupid gay mouse!" _It's for the money, it's for the money, _ Evil walked in the park. The sight of colorful things, cotton candy, people enjoying themselves, and peachy mascots sickened him. _God! Why do you people spend money on this shit?_

A blue moose approached Evil. "Are you Flippy?" "Uh, yes" Lumpy threw a mouse costume on Evil. "What the fuck man?" "Now go out there, wave, and get your picture taken. No breaks!!" Lumpy walked away. _Fucking hell! I'm reduced to a fucking gay mouse mascot! _

After the first few minutes a mom and a child walked up to Evil. "Hey look sweetie, it's Mickey mouse! Why don't you get next to him so I can take your picture." The child sighed angrily and got next to the mascot. "Get closer!" The mom ordered.

"Mom, I hate Mickey mouse!" The child groaned. _God, me too _"Hey! You want a slap across your fresh face, or do you want your grandma to have a nice picture of you!" The child groaned, got next to the mascot and put on a fake smile. The mom took the picture and pulled the child away.

"God I need a smoke right now" Evil pulled off the mouse head and put a cigarette to his lips. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be waving, I said no breaks!" Lumpy threw the mouse head back on Evil Flippy. Evil tried to grab the bowie knife but something stopped him.

_(Evil) What the fuck! Let go of me! (Flippy) Your not killing anybody! (Evil) Fine! If this shitty ass job goes wrong don't even think about stopping me! _Evil got back up and headed over to the same place he was standing before. Some one tapped his shoulder. "What the fuck do you want?" Evil snarled. "I hate Mickey mouse!" A child came out of nowhere and kicked Evil in the balls. "You fucking bastard!" he grunted.

Evil threw off the mascot head and ripped off his costume. "Come here you little bastard!" Evil grabbed the child and put him in a choke hold. "Achh! L-let go of m-me" The child yelled. Evil grabbed the child by his hair and pulled his neck back breaking his neck like a hinge. "Ahhhhhh!" Evil looked at the mom who was kneeling at her son's dead body.

"You bitch, you scream too much!" Evil pulled the clip off a grenade and stuck it in the mom's mouth, causing her head to explode. Evil laughed at the body, he turned around to see some one tackling him. "Get the fuck off me!" Evil pushed the guy off of him and dragged him over to the rollercoaster and threw him on the tracks, a second later a roller coaster cart ran over the body splattering blood and organs over the bystanders.

Lumpy came out of the manager's office and saw the bloody mess. "Your fired!" Evil's ear twitched, "Oh, I'm fired? Fire this!" Evil took out his bowie knife and slashed Lumpy's throat open. Evil patted Lumpy's dead body and found the wallet he looked in the wallet. "One thousand dollars? What a cheap mother fucker!"

(Time Skip 1 hour)

Evil kicked in the doors to the agency. "Listen bitch! I want a good job and I want one now!" "U-uh you could be an adult store attendant" she said nervously. "What the hell is that?" Evil hissed. "It means you clean up the store, and be a cashier"

"Will it be demeaning?" he growled. "No" "For your fucking sake you better hope you're right! I'll take the damn job!" "Fine, show up tomorrow at ten o'clock."

(Time skip- 14 hours)

The streets were dark and lonely, barley anybody wanted to be on the streets of Happy tree town ever since what happened to Cuddles on his birthday. Evil walked up to the store and sighed angrily, "This better be a good job!" He walked in the store ,the smell of plastic and petroleum jelly was sickening. "Can I help you?" Evil turned to see a skunk smoking a cigarette (No it's not Petunia) "Where is the manager"

The skunk blew smoke into Evil's face. "I am the manager now what do you want?" _God! It's a cigarette smoking bitch! _ "I'm here for the job" The skunk blew the smoke into Evil's face again. "Oh yeah, it's you, well lets see, you'll make eleven dollars per hour and there's no overtime. The first thing I want you to do is clean the bathrooms." The skunk threw all the cleaning equipment on Evil. _Cleaning the bathrooms! What the fuck! A five star soldier is reduced to cleaning toilets in a filthy store for lonely people!_

_Well it's good thing I know these people don't use the bathrooms here. _Evil slowly kicked in the door of one of the bathroom stalls. He quickly dropped the cleaning products and put his beret over his nose. "Fuck man! It fucking smells in here!" _I guess that's why she gave me a mask_

Evil put on the gloves and took up the spray. _Holy shit. How does cum get on the toilet seat? Horny bastards. And I still smell this nasty ass place! I just hope fucking hope the other stalls don't get any worse or else I'm killing these mother fuckers and walking out! (Flippy) Oh no you're not! I'll always stop you! (Evil) How are you in my thoughts?_

Evil walked to the other stall. "Holy shit it gets worse. How is there shit on the wall and the toilet is clean?" Evil looked away and scrubbed the wall. _God this smells! If this bitch asks me to mop the floors the mop is going up her ass! _ Evil dropped the sponge in a garbage bag and moved to the third stall. "It better be clean!" Evil kicked in the door and gasped.

"Mother fuckers!" He punched the wall so hard that it left a dent and expanding cracks around the tiles. "Who the fuck leaves a bloody ass tampon on the fucking floor, and blood all over the toilet seat!" _This is worse than being in that gay mouse costume! _Evil put on a new pair of gloves and picked up the tampon and dropped it in the garbage bag. "I don't know who should feel worse, me or the garbage bag!"

Evil got down on his knees and started to scrub the seat. _Wow, blood comes off easily_ He got up, but something felt wrong. Evil looked down at his knees they were wet and sticky. _If that's what I thick it is then I'm walking out! _ He looked at the floors. "Well that's fucking great! I have to mop the fucking floors now!

(Time skip 45 minutes)

Evil walked out of the bathroom breathing heavily. The skunk walked up to him. "What's your problem?" She snarled _If I say something I'm gonna kill this bitch! _ "Is there a shower in here ?" Evil hissed. "In the back to the left." Evil pushed the skunk out of his way and went in. "Well at least this place isn't as dirty as their bathrooms"

Evil took off his army jacket and turned on the shower. _If I have to work in this shit hole I'm gonna need like four showers a day!. _ Something caught his attention and just told him to look up at the ceiling. So he did, he squinted at the ceiling. "What the fuck? Is that a camera?" Evil quickly turned off the shower and put on his jacket. He slammed open the door "Who's the sorry cunt who puts a camera in the fucking shower room?

The skunk came up to Evil. "Do you ever stop bitching? If I put you on cashier duty will you shut up soldier?" The skunk tipped his beret and laughed. _No body touches my beret! _Evil clutched his bowie knife. _(Flippy) oh no you're not ! (Evil) Really watch me! _ He tried to pull the bowie knife out but something stopped him_. (Evil) Fine I won't! but don't think that you can stop me when I'm really pissed off! (Flippy) Yeah, right_

"Hey! Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna get your ass behind the counter!" The skunk yelled. Evil turned around and walked towards the counter. _That old bitch is pushing it! _

Evil sat down and put his feet up on the counter. "You hate her too right?" Evil turned around to see a pink squirrel texting on her phone. "Yeah, she's an old bitch that need s to burn in hell" Evil said. "Does anybody even come here? It looks like this place hasn't restocked in ten years!" The pink chuckled. "You're funny, and if you want you want to know who comes here it's a pink chipmunk, a yellow bunny and a tan bear that tries to flirt with me every time he comes here"

_I'm pretty sure those are my victims. _"Really? Then I can't wait to see what they buy!" Evil chuckled slightly. "Hey you, solider! Get your feet off the god damned counter!" The skunk came up to him. "Do it again and you're fired!"

The automatic doors to the store opened. A pink chipmunk with a red bow on her head walked in. _Please buy something embarrassing! _ Giggles walked up to the counter and froze. "O-oh my God! Please don't kill me" Giggles was already crying and pleading for her life. "Just give me the damn item before I really do!" Evil hissed. Giggles hesitated to give Evil the product. "You're wasting my time!" Evil snatched the product from her.

He looked at it for only three seconds before laughing out loud. "What the fuck! A dildo? Are you that desperate!" Giggles sighed and walked out the store. "Hey! Where are you going?" The skunk tried to run after Giggles but she was already gone. "You! Green bear you're fired!" "I'm fired? Well in that case..." Evil pulled out his bowie knife and stabbed her in her chest. He pulled the cigarette from her mouth and pressed the lit end on her neck. "Merry Christmas bitch!" Evil kicked the body aside and walked out the store.

_(Flippy) you killed her! (Evil) I sure as hell did! And you couldn't stop me! (Flippy) Well I hope you can find another job! (Evil) Like I'm going through hell again, I'll rather move in with Flaky! (Flippy) Or you could've just read the paper and noted that it was dated a year ago! (Evil) So I did all those peachy ass things, and I scrubbed toilets for your fucking entertainment! (Flippy) Next time, don't mess with my head!_

WELL IT LOOKS LIKE FLIPPY GOT HIS REVENGE! PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER OR THE WHOLE STORY, YOUR OPINIONS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME.


	7. Cuddles

Well here's the next chapter! And thanks for the reveiws ^_^ I do not own the show "Days of our lives" or the movie "Sleep away camp 2" or any other name brand things used in this story (x_x)  
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Chapter 7- Cuddles

Cuddles ran down downstairs talking on the phone, "Really? It's on right now? God that movie barely comes on! Okay I'm gonna watch it right now!"

Giggles was sitting on the couch with a bucket of ice cream watching Days of our lives.

"Move it!" Cuddles pushed Giggles off the couch and changed the channel to Chiller.

"Cuddles you cunt! Why did you do that?" Giggles yelled angrilly.

"Because!" Cuddles said not even taking his eyes off the television. The movie began to start.

Giggles got up and sat next to Cuddles.

"Oh don't tell me that it's that stupid movie Sleep away camp 2, you know how much times I've seen it? It's not even that good, and you're probably obsessed about the movie because the killer is a girl. Ugh let me tell you how the movie is gonna go so I can watch my show. Angela is the camp counselor, these teenagers tell origin stories about how she started killing, one of the girls tell a true story, Angela hears and decides that she shouldn't be around. Angela lures the girl out into the woods an-"

Cuddles put his hand over Giggles' mouth.

"Shut up! I never saw the movie before so I don't need you to tell me what happens, now go do whatever girls like you do." Cuddles said annoyed.

A few minutes later the movie went on commercial.

Cuddles got up and went to the kitchen.

"Giggles did you eat the last vannilla ice cream becaus-" Cuddles came into the room and looked at the television. _Tv announcer: For a limited time only you can get this Ibanez electric guitar for only 1,000 dollars at guitar world! _Cuddles' mouth dropped.

"Giggles how much money do we have left over?" Cuddles said excitingly.

"10,000, but we-"

"Great! that's enough to get like ten of those for my friends!"

Giggles started to get annoyed, "Cuddles! Wait! That money was for our light, electric and cable, bill, you can't dip into that!"

Cuddles turned around to Giggles. "There's no way light, cable, and electric bill can cost that much!"

Giggles sighed, "Oh yes it can if a certain some one plays guitar hero 12 hours a day, then watches the extra-costing movie channels for 4 hours and then takes a bath, and then plays Grand Theft auto for the rest of 7 hours and thirty minutes!"

Cuddles gave Giggles a blank state, "You do all that in 24 hours?"

Giggles slapped her fore head. "Cuddles you bastard! That's what you do all day long!"

Cuddles sat back down next to Giggles.

"Hey don't you have your sewing club today?" Cuddles asked.

"Today is Saturday?!" Giggles ran up to her room and threw on her clothes"

Cuddles chuckled and put his feet up on the coffee table, _Today is Friday, and score one for Cuddles! _

Giggles ran out the door.

"Don't stay up all night Cuddles!" Giggles said as she closed the door.

Giggles came back two hours later, "Cuddles! You lying bastard! Today is Friday!"

Cuddles pulled the magazine off his face.

"Huh? It is?" Cuddles said sarcastically.

"Huh? It is? Of course it is! Gosh Cuddles sometimes you're such a dick you know that? Oh and by the way if you want that stupid guitar then get a job instead of sitting on your ass all day!"

Giggles stormed upstairs and slammed the door shut.

_Hmmm...why don't I get a job?_

(Time-Skip 1 day)

Cuddles opened one eye and saw that he was in his bed sleeping next to Giggles.

_How the hell did I get in here? Did Giggles lift me up? Oh well I might as well get up now and get a job._

Cuddles forced himself out of bed and walked to the bathroom. This was the first ever time that Cuddles was ever going to willingly get a job, aside from his usual dare devil stunts. Cuddles knew he had to get a quick job to avoid working too long.

Cuddles stepped out the shower and looked in the foggy mirror, _I hope I get a good dangerous job.  
_  
Cuddles walked out the bathroom putting on his shirt.

"Giggles, I'm leaving!" Cuddles yelled.

Giggles sat up in the bed.

"And where are you going?" Giggles asked.

"I'm going to get a job like you said." Cuddles replied.

"Ok don't kill yourself trying to do a job." Giggles pulled the covers over her head.

Cuddles left his house and walked to the bus stop. 35 minutes later, the bus dropped Cuddles off in front of in the agency. Cuddles looked at the building in disgust.

_God, this place looks like the kind of place that assigns odd jobs. _

Cuddles walked in the building and took a seat in front of a squirrel typing on a computer.

_I wonder what I say. _

"Uh excuse me can I get a job?"

The squirrel looked up from the computer.

"Sorry kid no full time jobs are available, and quite frankly you're like the seventh person to come here in three days. But the only kind of jobs we have are one-assignment jobs."

_What kind of angengy is this? _

"So kid what are your qualities or experiences?" Asked the squirrel.

Cuddles scratched his head.

_What are my qualities? _

"Um let's see, I can play the guitar, I'm a three-time dare devil, and I take extreme risks!" Cuddles said excitingly.

The squirrel randomly pushed some keys as Cuddles spoke. "Well you could be a one-time crocodile wrangler."

_A croc wrangler? Awsome! _

"I'll take the job! And by the way, how much do I make for wrangling one crocodile?" Cuddles asked.

The squirrel looked at the computer, "It says here that who ever can wrangle Rusty the crocodile will get 300 dollars."

Cuddles jumped out of his seat in pure joy, "300 bucks to wrangle some old crocodile named Rusty?! Hell yeah I'll take it!"

The squirrel laughed slightly, "No offense kid but you won't last a minute against Rusty an- Well since this is a demanding job you'll have to get there before the show even begins."

_Well with a name like Rusty one would hope._

(Time skip 35 minutes)

Cuddles walked into an Australlia themed arena and then was approached by a blue moose.

"Lumpy? What are you doing here?" Cuddles asked.

"Oh hi Cuddles! This is one of my day jobs." Lumpy said cheerfully.

"So where's the crocodile they call Rusty?" Cuddles said looking around.

"Uh he's right over there." Lumpy pointed to an old weak crocodile.

"Ha! That's Rusty? This is gonna be easy!" Cuddles said laughing.

"Oh sorry Cuddles, that's not Rusty, that's Rusty." Lumpy pointed to a young strong alphamale crocodile.

_Holy shit, I'm fucked now!_

"Um, Lumpy what am I supposed to do?" Cuddles said nervously.

"Well your supposed to go in cage and entertain us by some how trying to pin Rusty down and get him to stay quiet"

Lumpy pushed Cuddles in the cage and locked it.

"Lumpy, are you sure about this cause I'm not an- ahhhhh!" Cuddles turned to see Rusty about to mangle Cuddles.

Cuddles ran as fast as he could but he couldn't out run the alpha male.

As Cuddles was running he tripped over a rock. Cuddles tried to get up but then he felt a painful tugging force on his left leg. Cuddles screamed to the top of lungs as he tried to pull his leg from the strong jaws of the crocodile.

Cuddles managed to free himself from Rusty's mouth but his half injured leg was only going to make the job slow and painful. Rusty bit down on Cuddles' good leg and tossed him around like an old rag doll.

Rusty threw Cuddles on the gated parts of the cage.

Cuddles grabbed on to cage for dear life. (Not that it would matter anyways.) Cuddles felt the life escaping from him.

_I can't give up...yet._

Cuddles let go of the gate and fell on Rusty's back. Cuddles put his arms around Rusty's mouth and tried to hold on.

Rusty struggled to break free from Cuddles' hold and then threw Cuddles on his back.

_Oh shit this is how my life is gonna end, being mutilated by a giant crocodile?! _

Rusty bit into Cuddles stomach and threw Cuddles aside.

Lumpy opened the cage and ran to Cuddles' side.

"Cuddles are you okay?" Lumpy said frantically.

_What?! _

"L-Lumpy c-come closer" Lumpy came closer.

"Lumpy you bastard! I said I wasn't ready! And I want my money!" Cuddles slowly slipped away.

One day later, Cuddles slowly opened his eyes to find himself in a eerie white room.

_Am I in heaven? _

"Cuddles you bastard!"

_God I know that annoying voice any where! _

Lumpy sat at Cuddles' bed side. "Uh hiya Cuddles! Oh and just because I like seeing you hurt yourself, here." Lumpy handed Cuddles 300 dollars.

_Wow 300 down another 700 to go._

Cuddles walked into the same agency, and went to the same squirrel.

"You died right? Becuase you still look wrecked."

Cuddles sat down and sighed.

"I can't beleive I'm saying this but do you have a job thats not dangerous?" Asked Cuddles.

The squirrel randomly typed in some words. "Uh, we have a job as a whisky ambassodor."

"What's an whisky ambassador?" Cuddles asked.

"A whisky ambassador is a person who tests beers or liquor to see if it's good enough for special parties or occasions."

_Really? I get paid to sit on my yellow ass and drink beer for a job? I'm not stupid, of course I'll take it!_

"I'll take it!" Cuddles said excitingly.

"Good cause- wait a minute, exactly how old are you? You look like you can't be no older than 19!"

_Shit! I'm 20, oh well stretching the truth every once in a while right? _

"Uh, I'm 23" Cuddles said nervously.

"Right....just be on time 8:00 am sharp."

(Time skip 1 day)

Cuddles looked the address on the paper and then the building.

_Why does this like a ballroom? _

Cuddles walked in the building and was greeted by two guys. One of them was a beaver and the other one was a bear. "

You must be the beer tester right?"

"Yeah." said Cuddles.

"Ok today your assignment will be to test every beer we give you and give us feedback on what you think about it. Now follow us."

The bear and the beaver led Cuddles into a dark room.

"Hey why is the room so dark?" Cuddles asked.

"Why are you yellow and have pink circles on your cheek? But you don't see me questioning it either!" The bear yelled.

_But didn't he ask me a question? _

"Ok rabbit try this." The bear handed Cuddles a brown bottle.

"Do these have names?" Cuddles asked.

"Nope once they are approved by you then they'll think of a name." Said the beaver.

Cuddles took the beer bottle and drunk a quarter of it.

"So how does it taste?"

"Um it's taste like tropical beer, and it's really g-good" Cuddles said half sober.

The bear handed Cuddles a clear bottle.

"Wait!" Cuddles screamed.

"What?!"

"Do I get to keep the beer?" Cuddles asked.

"Yes you can keep the fucking beer! Now just taste it!"

Cuddles gulped half of the bottle down and then slammed it on the table.

"What is this shit!" Cuddles put his head down on the table and burped.

"More!"

the bear brought 8 more colorful bottles to the table. Cuddles looked at the bottles.

"What the fuck is this a rainbow?" Cuddles grabbed a green and a pink bottle and drank them at the same time.

"Great! Give me more!"

Cuddles grabbed a blue bottle and drunk it down and then vomited, "What the Fuck is this?! You call this alcohol?"

Cuddles took up a red bottle and gulped it down as well.

"So how is the taste?"

Cuddles was about to speak but then he fell out of his chair.

"Hey! The guests are waiting for their drinks!" A fox yelled coming in the room.

"Right, uh, which beer did the yellow guy approve?" The bear asked.

The beaver shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know I wasn't writing I was too busy laughing at the rabbit, how about we ask for every beer he smashed?"

Cuddles woke up with a throbbing pain in his head.

_Gosh what the hell happened? And where am I ? _

Cuddles grabbed hold of a table and pulled himself up. Cuddles stood up straight for a few seconds and then stumbled down.

Cuddles stumbled down the hall looking at all the doors. After a few more feet Cuddles heard formal music playing.

_Where there's music there's a party! _

Cuddles kicked in the door and burped really loud.

"Honey I'm home!" Cuddles stumbled over to the bar and pulled Petunia close to him.

"Hey baby come here often?" Cuddles said drunkly.

Petunia pushed Cuddles off of her. "Oh my gosh Cuddles you don't look so good!"

Petunia splashed some water on Cuddles face to snap him out of it, but it didn't work.

"Hey bitch!" Cuddles slapped Petunia right across the face which resulted in Cuddles getting punched in the jaw. Cuddles got back up to see she was gone.

"Ha! Gotcha purse!" Cuddles went through it.

"Phone numbers, pepper spray, tissue, disinfectant wipes, credit cards, phone numbers, aha! 200 dollars!"

Cuddles threw away the purse and ran to the buffet table.

Cuddles jumped on the table and took random food up.

"Let's party!" Cuddles threw the peanut butter at Flaky, which made her bloat up. Cuddles threw the grilled chicken at Disco bear's face.

"Loose the weight fat ass!"

Cuddles jumped up and grabbed the chandeliers and swung on it.

"Whooo!"

Cuddles jumped off the chandelier and landed on Toothy, crushing him instantly.

Cuddles felt around Toothy's pants pockets for his wallet.

"F-found it!" Cuddles opened Toothy's wallet. "100 dollars? Poor ass." Cuddles got off the body and pocketed the money.

He headed over to the table and grabbed a beer bottle and approached a green bear from behind. Cuddles smashed the bottle on the back of Flippy's head.

"You bastard! Thats for killing me 6 times!"

Cuddles took Flippy's wallet and dumped the money in his hands.

" 1,000 dollars yeah!...This party is getting boring I'm out of here!"

Cuddles kicked out the back door and stumbled over to a white limo. Cuddles pulled open the door and stuck his head inside.

"Hey girls wanna party?"

They all just simply stared at him.

"No answer? I'll take that as a yes!" Cuddles threw the driver out and sped down the street.

"Hey bastard! Slow down!" Yelled a pink bear.

"D-don't worry we're gonna party in the abyss!" He yelled.

"What does that mean?"

"Uh oh I think I know what he means!" Cuddles drove the limo off of a cliff.

Cuddles used his hands and pulled himself from the wreckage. Five minutes later the police arrive at the bloody scene.

Officers what happened!?" Giggles followed Lumpy to the scene.

"Uh, it seems that somebody drove a limo off a cliff... again"

"What? So what does Cuddles have to do with this?" Giggles asked.

"Well we believe Cuddles was in the limo" Lumpy rushed over to Cuddles.

"Are you drunk?" Cuddles moaned in pain before giving an answer.

"Taste the rainbow!" Cuddles yelled.

Lumpy turned to Giggles. "Yeah he's wasted alright, let's ask him some questions."

"Cuddles what happened before you ended up here?"

"A leprachuan took my lucky charms! And then he yelled silly rabbit trix are for kids!"

Lumpy sighed angrily, "What did you do before the accident!"

Cuddles laughed manically "Residue is evil!"

Lumpy slammed his fists on the ground. "What caused the accident!"

"Uh some guy in a Plymoth rear-ended me. I didn't do it!"

Cuddles woke up on the floor of his bedroom.

_God my head hurts and why do I feel like-_

Cuddles leaned over to his side and vomited all over the carpet.

Giggles walked in the bed room with a brand new guitar, "Hey Cuddles look what I bought! And it's the last one!"

Giggles ran out the room and then downstairs.

Cuddles turned on his back. _Ah fuck me!_

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Well hope you enjoyed! Please review. Oh and never try to imitate Cuddles... I know people that did


	8. Petunia

Well here's the next chapter. By the way thanks for the reviews! ^_^ The beginning opens up with the episode wishy washy.

Chapter 8- Petunia

Petunia vivaciously hummed as she took a shower (for the fifth time). Petunia turned the shower off and stuck her hand out the shower curtains to reach for the towels. Petunia grabbed the towels, wrapped one around her body and then her head. She walked out the shower and stepped in front of the mirror. Petunia dried her hair, took the towel off her head, wrapped it neatly and put back adeptly. Petunia took the flower off the  
sink counter and put it on her head.  
Petunia then opened the cabinet. Inside were indistinguishable cans of face cream neatly organized in every row.

Petunia reached for can, squeezed some cream and rubbed it on the side of her face. Petunia put the cream back in the cabinet. Petunia soon caught sight of a facial cream bottle that was turned slightly to the left. Petunia took several deep breath and calmed down. Petunia reached for the bottle and turned it back to it's original way.

Petunia gave a sigh of relief and then and closed the cabinet. Petunia looked at the mirror and came face to face with a unsightly green smudge on the mirror. "Ahhhh!" Petunia pulled out a brown bag and hyperventilated. After four fast and deep breaths Petunia put the bag down and got serious. _It's time to clean this mess up!_ Petunia put on two yellow gloves. She walked towards the toilet paper holder and wrapped toilet paper over her left glove.

Petunia expeditiously went over to another cabinet and opened it. Inside had indistinguishable spray bottles of glass cleaner in perfect management. Petunia quickly grabbed one and sprayed it all over the mirror. She then used her toilet paper wrapped hand to wipe the cleaner off the mirror. Petunia saw her clear reflected image in the mirror without seeing the green smudge on the mirror. Petunia gave a sigh in relief and took of the gloves.

Petunia threw the used toilet paper in the toilet and flushed it. Petunia went over to the sink and washed her hands. While she was washing her hands she heard a eerie gurgling noise. _What the hell is that?_ Petunia turned the faucet off and went over to the toilet. The toilet was rumbling and green sewage water was bubbling. "Ewwwww!" _What do I do?! Call the plumber right_! A few minutes later a doltish blue moose rang the doorbell. Petunia ran to the door while hyperventilating in a bag.

Petunia ran to the door and opened it quickly. A dimwitted blue moose who has distorted eyes and mismatched antlers in a dirty plumber jumpsuit and carrying an old tool box and a wrench was at the door. "Hello!" Lumpy said cheerfully. "Oh my God! I need your help! It's my toilet it's..." Lumpy walked past Petunia and to the bathroom. Petunia's voice trailed off as she saw the muddy footprints on her carpet. "Ahhhh!"

Petunia took up a mini vacuum cleaner and sucked up the mess Lumpy's dirty shoe left on the carpet. Lumpy opened the bathroom door and looked at the messy toilet. Lumpy walked back outside to get his plunger. Petunia quickly vacuumed the mess behind Lumpy. Lumpy walked back in the house with a semi-dirty plunger. The moose looked down at his muddy feet and then wiped it on the welcome mat.

Petunia took more deep breaths and vacuumed the welcome carpet. Lumpy walked into the bathroom and looked at the toilet. He took out the plunger and plunged the toilet as if he was stabbing some body. After a couple of seconds the green water went down. _Finally!_ Suddenly, the toilet started to gurgle again. "What the hell?" Lumpy said to himself. The green water erupted like a geyser and shot up sewage water everywhere.  
Lumpy shrieked and tried to hold the lid down, but that only succeeded in the water spraying all over the floors and shower curtains.

Petunia looked at the floor and noticed that the green water was leaking from underneath the door crack. _What the hell? _Petunia opened the bathroom door to see Lumpy holding the toilet lid down and green mucky water sprayed all over the curtains, floors, windows, and the sink. Petunia's right eye twitched, Lumpy giggled nervously and pulled out a hair like bundle out the toilet. Petunia took out a brown paper bag and took fast deep breaths.

After seven breaths the bag popped. Petunia looked around for another bag-like object to hyperventilate in. The skunk found one of her yellow gloves and started to breathe heavily in. After four breaths Petunia started to calm down. She took another weak breath and then accidentally swallowed the glove halfway. Petunia held onto her throat coughing and gagging and then fell on the floor. Petunia let out a scream that sounded like a mix of coughing, gagging and screaming.

Lumpy was inspecting the hair-like object five seconds after Petunia then it occurred to him _Oh...she's choking...she's choking!_ Lumpy quickly spun around and rushed over to a gagging half dead Petunia. "Oh my god! What do I do?" Lumpy shrieked. Lumpy looked at Petunia then his plunger. _Oh hell no he better no_- Lumpy plunged the mucky plunger in and on Petunia's mouth. Petunia glared at Lumpy and then the dirty plunger on her mouth. _Ewwww! When is this stupid bastard gonna stop?!_ Lumpy realized that it wasn't working so he pulled the plunger off Petunia's face.

Her left eye twitched and her face had green sticky foam and pimples around her mouth. _Oh my god! My mouth_! Lumpy quickly pounds on Petunia chest several times, but it didn't work. _Why can't Lumpy take the crap out of my mouth?!_ Lumpy thinks for a few seconds and then pushes his hands down Petunia's throat and reaches around for the glove. A few seconds later Lumpy had his hand inside the glove and pulled it out of her mouth.  
Petunia gasped for air and started to breathe normally. Petunia looked up at Lumpy's saliva and muck inundated hand. _Holy fuck _Petunias left eye started to twitched again.

She looked at her once clean bathroom but only saw mucky shower curtains, dirty floors, and a fucked up toilet. Petunia quickly sprang up and rushed over to the sink. She took up a tooth brush and deluged it in tooth paste and brushed her teeth so hard the foam turned a semi dark red color. A few hours later, the bathroom was clean and Petunia was just finishing scrubbing the floor. Petunia got up and pulled the mask off her face. "Phew! My bathroom's clean again!" Petunia took her clothes off and went in the shower.

She turned on the shower and stood beneath it, shivering at the thought of having all that muck on her. Petunia drank some mouth wash gurgled it around her mouth and spat it out.  
Meanwhile, Lumpy was downstairs in Petunia's basement unscrewing the water pipe. Once Lumpy screwed it of he took up a plumber snake and screwed it into the pipe. Lumpy tried to pull but it was stuck. Lumpy pulled harder and the snake came loose but unfortunately the tip of the snake got stuck in the boiler.

Lumpy pulled it out and steam shot out of the boiler and instantly burned his face. The boiler slowly tipped over and fell on Lumpy. "Ahhhhh!" all the steaming hot water leaked out and flooded the basement. While Petunia was showering, the water wasn't flowing anymore. "Huh?" _Lumpy probably did something stupid...again_ Petunia stepped out the shower and dried off. She walked to the basement door and opened it slowly. "Hello?" she said. Petunia walked down the stairs and into the darkness_. Where's the light?  
_  
Petunia felt around for the string. "Got it!" She pulled on the string and the light flickered on. "Oh my god!" Petunia yelled. Lumpy's bloody body was floating freely towards Petunia. "Ahhhhh!" Petunia fell backwards and landed in the nasty green water. After a few seconds Petunia came up gasping for air _Ew! Look at me! I-I'm dirty!_ Petunia quickly ran upstairs and into the bathroom. _What do I do? Sink, right!_Petunia rushed over to the sink and washed her hands. "Ahhhh!" but only green nasty water came out. "Eww!" Petunia ran into the shower and shook the rod but only a few drops of water came out. Petunia's breaths became shorter and faster as she raced down the stairs and to the kitchen sink. "Come on, come on!" Petunia splashed the sink water blindly on her head a few times until she finally looked up.

Petunia shrieked and began to laugh irrationally as she dug through the kitchen drawers looking for something to clean her fur with. Petunia found a scrubbing brush and started to brush her fur with it, but it wasn't working it was just spreading to the mess around her cheek. Petunia screamed in frustration and threw the brush away. She dug through the draw and found a slightly used brillo pad. "Ooohh!"

Petunia scrubbed the Brillo pad in her stomach until it was dripping with blood. Petunia screamed insanely and searched for the carrot peeler. Petunia held out her hand and started to shred from her elbow to her wrists. Blue skin peelings and blood dropped in the sink. Petunia held the peeler up to her face and shredded her entire face. Blood was now dripping profusely from her face, Petunia felt herself getting weaker from blood loss. Her laughs became slower and weaker Petunia stumbled forwards and back and then dropped dead.

Petunia's slowly opened her eyes and examined the eerie white room. All she could hear is the regular beat of a heart rate monitor. _Did I kill myself again?_ Petunia feebly lifted her upper body, but a stinging pain shocked her stomach forcing her to fall back down on her bed. _Maybe I should just lie back down I just probably some more rest._ Petunia laid back down and got some rest. A few hours later she opened her eyes slowly to see a blue moose smiling at her. "Hiya Petunia! I came to see if you were okay." He said cheerfully.

Petunia opened her eyes fully to get a clearer image of Lumpy. "L-Lumpy c-come closer." Petunia said quickly. Lumpy leaned forward to the skunk's bed. "What is it Petunia?" Lumpy asked. "You're a stupid blue asshole and you wrecked my house!" Petunia yelled. Petunia put her head back down and took a deep breath. Lumpy stood up and grunted. "Fine!" Lumpy threw a paper on Petunia's stomach and angrily left the room. "What's this?" Petunia grabbed the paper and held it up to her face.

"What the fuck! A bill for 2,000 dollars is he out of his stupid mind!" She yelled. Petunia dropped her head back on the pillow. "How am I supposed to pay that off! All the money I made selling lemonade goes towards my other bills! God I don't know why he charges this much for a poor job he did fixing my house!" Sniffles walked In the room. "Uh Petunia are you okay? 'cause I heard you yelling to yourself so I wanted to see if you weren't going crazy...by the way, you can leave now you're not the only one dying in this town."

Petunia got out of the bed and shoved past Sniffles. Petunia walked out through the automatic doors and kicked a rock _I can't believe I owe that stupid bastard 2,000 dollars! And for what?! To wreck my house and make me kill myself? Great now I'll have to get a job just to pay this off. But if I want a job it's gonna be doing what I love._ Petunia walked past a ten story office-like building. _Wonder if it's an agency _Petunia was about to put her hands on the revolving door when she noticed a slight smudge on the door.

"Ewww!" Petunia took out a spray bottle and some disinfectant wipes that she seemed to carry everywhere. The gramophone sprayed the glass three times and started to wipe the glass. Every one on the inside of the building started to stare and laugh at her. "W-what are you doing?!" Petunia turned around to see Nutty with a lollipop in his left hand laughing hysterically. "What do you mean what am I doing? I'm cleaning this filthy door!" she snapped.

"Really! Because you look like a schizophrenic right now!" Nutty laughed. Petunia sighed and dropped her cleaning materials. "You're right I do, I guess I'm just a little uptight because I don't where I can a job to pay off my debts" Nutty grabbed Petunia's arm and walked with her. "If you need a job I know some uh, extralegal ways you can make money." Nutty whispered. _What?! _Petunia pulled her hand and waist from Nutty's grip. "Uh Nutty doesn't extralegal mean illegal?" Petunia asked.

"Uh...yeah but if you want a job doing something you like, like cleaning you're not going to find it elsewhere. You see I can make you a door-to-door maid, you can charge hundreds and make thousands! Just like I did when I sold drugs to those alley pot heads!" Nutty said enthusiastically. _What?_ Petunia sighed "Um Nutty, you didn't sell drugs you sold sugar and said it was drugs. Well I guess I have no choice but, fine what'd you have in mind?"

"Welllll.... I was thinking that I make you a kinky French maid and then you go door to door to all the guys house and offer to clean up their house. Then we split the profits 30/70." _30/70? He really is half retarded_ "Deal! But are you sure I won't get killed...or raped!" Petunia said. "Don't worry I'm sure 37% if the time nothing will happen. Now let's go to my house and change you."

( Time skip 2 hours)

"Well, does it fit!" Nutty yelled. Petunia walked out of the bathroom and scratched the lacing on the arm. "I feel like a slut." Nutty dropped the newspaper and walked up to Petunia. "Well how else are you gonna get into their homes! Here's a list of all the guys that will be likely to let you in." Petunia took the list from Nutty and read it with a puzzled look "Flippy? Cuddles? Disco bear, You? Nutty why Flippy and Cuddles they're taken?"

"Well Disco Bear is an obvious perv and possibly a man whore so he'd probably let you in, Cuddles and Giggles have relationship problems, I need your company, and Flippy's house is ground zero after he flips out!" Nutty said hyperactively. "Really? And you're sure that I won't be hurt at Flippy's house?" Petunia timorously said. "A hundred percent! He won't hurt you...at least his good side. But then his evil side could possibly ra- I mean you never get hurt!" Nutty pushed her out the door and gave her the list.

Petunia walked through the forest and followed the fading blood trail that was apart of the recent flip out that happened a few days ago. After twenty five minutes of walking she found the war vet's army bunker. Petunia took a deep breath and walked up the pavement. _God I hope he doesn't kill me...or worse!_ Petunia was now in front of Flippy's front door. She straightened her skirt and knocked on the door. _Dear god, Petunia please know what you're getting yourself into!  
_  
After five knocks the door opened a slightly. "Petunia? What are you doing here?" Flippy asked. Petunia giggled nervously. "Uh hi Flippy! I just...wanted to know if I could...you know clean your house...for a price of course!" Flippy furrowed his eyebrows. "Thanks, but this isn't a good time right now. I'm doing something." _Damn it! I know this bear is loaded!_ "Yeah but, you won't even know I'm there! Besides I won't disturb you!" Petunia said

Flippy sighed angrily and fully opened the door. "Fine! Clean the living room!" Petunia slightly pushed pass Flippy and looked at the living room. _Nutty's wrong, this place doesn't look like ground zero. _Petunia turned around to see Flippy heading back up the stairs. "Wait!" she yelled. "What?" Flippy yelled back, but this time getting aggravated. "Can I get paid in advance?" asked Petunia. Flippy sighed angrily. "Here's five hundred now could you please leave me alone!" Flippy threw a thick roll of money down the stairs and began to walk back up the stairs. "Wait!...Again!" Flippy turned back around. "What the hell do you want from my life now!"

Petunia shifted nervously. "Um, why do you have a whip?" "Uh...I'm doing stuff" _What kind of stuff?_ Flippy sighed and stormed up the stairs. Petunia shrugged her shoulders and got back to analyzing the room. "Wow, he sure loves army décor, why would this place be a mess?" Petunia walked to one of the book shelf and wiped her finger on it. "Ewww! Dust!" Petunia took out her cleaning spray and some paper towel. She began to spray the area and then wipe in small circles.

But due to her obsession, she was wiping the area in broad circles causing one of the rare jewel encrusted vase to topple over and smash on the hardwood floor on impact. "Oh my god!....There's still more dust!" Petunia began wiping around the edges unaware of the crash. "What was that!" Petunia heard the sound of angry steps coming down the stairs. She looked at the floor and saw the shattered vase in pieces. "Oh my God! The vase"  
Petunia quickly took up all the big chunks of glass and ran around frantically looking for a place Flippy will never find it..."Aha! That closet!" Petunia quickie opened the door to find a horrifying scene.

Handy's dead body was hanging on a noose with his body cut open and guts and blood spilling out. Petunia gasped, held her breath and threw the shards in. By the time Flippy was in the room Petunia acted like she was vacuuming the green carpet. "What happened? I thought I heard something shatter!" Flippy pushed the germaphobe out of the way and examined all the shelves. _Please don't notice, please don't notice!_ Every thing was fine, at least to Flippy.

When the war vet left the room Petunia sighed in relief. "Thank god that's over, but Handy's dead body is still in the closet!" Petunia turned on the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed the carpet. _Wow, surprisingly this bear keeps a neat army bunker_ Petunia turned off the vacuum cleaner and sat on the couch. "Whew! Tired already!" Petunia rested her arm on the arm rest. But something felt wrong to her. Something felt wet, sticky, and waxy...something Petunia can never tolerate. "Ew!" Petunia instantly pulled her arm from the armrest and looked at it. "Ahhhhh! Grease stain!"

Petunia sprang up and ran around in circles. _Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! This isn't solving anything!_ She quickly pulled out another brown bag and hyperventilated in the bag while she ran towards the kitchen. Petunia gasped "Huh!?" to the gramophone's dismay the entire kitchen was an atrocity, blood, guts, body parts, and skin was scattered and splattered all over the place. Petunia started to heavier. "What kind of place is this!" Petunia rushed upstairs and saw the bathroom door open. _Heaven!_

The germaphobe briskly grabbed the liquid hand soap and squeezed the bottle all over her arm. Petunia turned on the faucet and rinsed her arm off. "Phew!" She walked out the bathroom and past the bedroom. But she couldn't help but to be a little inquisitive so she quietly tip-toed back to the bedroom door and pressed her left ear on it. All she could hear were moans and screams. The germaphobe quickly pulled her ear from the door. _Oh...oh my god! H-he's...mating! Gross!_

Petunia silently ran away to another room. "I wonder what's in here." Petunia opened the door and turned on the lights. An old light bulb dangling from the ceiling flickered on revealing an array of guns, rocket launchers, vests, knives, and other army equipment. "Wow, no wonder he's crazy." _Hmmmm I never actually held a gun before. I guess it won't hurt to try one _Petunia went to one of the shelves and picked one of the rifles up.

_This looks like a M16 to me. Oh well a gun is a gun they all kill people._ Petunia did a few poses and laughed a little. "Now I wonder how many bullets will come out if I pull the trigger..." Petunia slightly pulled the trigger. "Ahhh!" Petunia's arms lost control, shooting the walls and the roof. Within four seconds all the rounds were used up. "Holy shit! I gotta get out of here!" Petunia dropped the gun and out the room. While running, she stopped by Flippy's room and listened to hear if he was coming.

All she could hear was bones crushing and a bloodcurdling scream. _Holy shit on a stick! he's flipping out! and he already killed Flaky!_ Petunia briskly ran the stairs and to the door. She tried to open it but it was locked from the inside. "What kind of place is this!" Petunia froze as she heard the bedroom door open. _Shit! I'm dead now!_ Petunia ran to the kitchen and looked for the knives. _I can't believe I'm saying or doing this but, I'm not going down with out a fight!_

Petunia got out two butcher knives and gripped them in her hand. She walked towards the door when suddenly a knife was thrown into the wall barely a centimeter away from her nose. (yes she was turned to her side.) "Shit I missed!" Evil Flippy quickly ran to Petunia, held her up and choked her. _Well, at least I'm not being dismembered_ "P-please don't kill me!" Petunia managed to choke out. Evil Flippy chuckled darkly and dropped Petunia. Petunia tried to catch her breath when she was held up again but pinned against the wall.

"Oh don't worry I won't kill you, I'll scar you...physically and mentally!" Evil Flippy hissed in her ear. "W-what are you gonna do with me?" Petunia cried. Evil Flippy laughed and ran his Bowie knife down Petunia's chest. "Holy shit! Please don't do that! Just kill me!" Petunia cried. "Now why would I do that? Killing you is all to quick. And besides, scarring you is a greater torture than killing you because you'll live with it all your endless pathetic life!" The war vet sneered. _Please don't do this to me!...I'm still a virgin!_

The crazed war vet ran his tongue up and down Petunia's cheek causing her to shiver. Evil Flippy got off of her and threw her in a chair and laughed darkly. "Open up!" Petunia shivered slightly. _I don't know if he means my mouth or my legs but either way it's still bad!_ Evil snarled at her. "Not responding eh?" Evil withdrew his Bowie knife and spread her legs. "This is gonna hurt you more than it'll hurt me!" Evil Flippy gently stroked the area then harshly carved his name.

The most Petunia could do was scream and hope by some miracle it would all be over. Evil Flippy removed the blood soaked knife and dripped the blood all over face. Petunia gasped and shaked her head violently trying to get the blood off of her face. "Are you ever quiet?" Evil Flippy took up a frying pan and smacked it on the back of Petunia's head. A few hours later her eyes opened slowly._ is this a nightmare?_ Petunia slowly sat up but a stinging pain struck her body. _I guess it was real._ Petunia stumbled off the chair.

"Leaving so soon?" Petunia turned around to see the crazy war vet with a bloody knife in his paw. Petunia backed up in a corner. "Please don't kill me!" She cried. Evil came closer to her with the bloody knife pressed against her neck. "Oh don't worry, what I did is far worse than just killing you. Now get the fuck out of here before I actually do!"

(Time skip- 1 hour)

Petunia kicked in the front door to Nutty's house. "Oh h-hi Petunia! How'd it go?" Nutty laughed. "Bastard! I thought you said nothing would happen to me!" Petunia yelled. "...Oh. Well, I did said a hundred percent s- Ahhhhhh!" Nutty fell off the chair and rocked back and forth. "You bitch! that's my balls!" Nutty grunted. "Yeah! That's what you get for lying!" Petunia yelled. Nutty pulled himself up and stood on his feet, he pointed to her skirt. "Hey! Why is blood dripping from your skirt?"

Petunia started sobbing and threw herself on the couch. "I-i'll tell you what happened! H-he ravaged me! And just for the sake of mentally scarring me!" Nutty sat next to Petunia and rubbed her back. "There, there...did ya at least get the money?" Nutty asked softly. "W-what?! That's all you care about!" Petunia threw Nutty's hand off her back and threw two hundred dollars at him. "There you go ya bastard!" she snarled. Petunia smoothed out her skirt and walked out his house.

_Who's next? Ah damn! I've got disco bear!_ Petunia walked down the streets and into the city. "Petunia? What are you doing?" The gramophone turned around to see Giggles catching up to her. "What do you mean what I'm doing?" Petunia asked puzzled. "I mean look at you! I didn't know you were back on the market!" Giggles teased. _What's she talking about?_ "Back on the market? No! I'm offering services to make money!" Petunia said.

Giggles blinked twice then a smirk slowly crept up her face, then she started laughing. "Whoa! I didn't know you were so...free with yourself!" Petunia rolled her eyes and kept on walking. "Whatever Giggles, I'm kinda busy, do you know the way to Disco Bear's house?" she asked. Giggles calmed down. "Yeah, just go down for the next ten blocks and make a left and start walking down to the rich parts of town. Oh, and his address is 5872 Oak Lane kay?" Petunia nodded and was about to leave when a thought struck her mind.

_How does she know where he lives? Not to mention his address!_ "Uh Giggles, how do you know his address? We swore that we would never fall for him or his perverted ways!" Petunia said nonchalantly. Giggles searched Petunia's face for any expression that would take a lie. "Um, why do you have to go?" Giggles said nervously. "Anyways, I'm late for my job at the hospital see you later!" Giggles ran and hailed a taxi.

_Wow, she's in a hurry._ Petunia turned back around and kept on walking. As she was walking she felt like the entire town was staring at her...mainly at her ass and chest. _God! This is degrading to all women! But then again, why am I doing this? Whatever, my ankles are killing me I need a taxi._ Petunia walked to edge of the sidewalk. "Taxi!" she yelled. In an instant five taxi cabs swerved over to the curb and opened the door. _Wow. Wonder how much people they killed?_

Petunia looked at each of the five cabs and went to the cleanest looking cab. Petunia headed for the second cab and got in. "Where to ma'am?" the driver asked. "Um, 5872 Oak Lane." Petunia said while sifting through her purse. "Ok." said the driver. _wait a minute! I recognize that that voice!_ Petunia leaned forward. "Wait? Are yo-Are you Shifty?" she asked. Shifty diverted his attention from the road. "Yeah!" he said. Petunia leaned back in her seat. "How in Gods name did he get this job! After all your wanted and a thief." She said under her breath.

"Hey! Stop staring at me and watch the road!" Petunia yelled. Shifty snapped out of his daze and put his eyes back on the road. "So....you and Nutty break up yet?" He asked. _What?! _Um, yeah but it's because I wanted to just be friends." Petunia retorted. "Yes! I still have a chance!" Shifty said under his breath. "Whoa! Sittin' right here you know!" Petunia said with slight anger in her voice. "Sorry...Ok we're here an- wait a second! This is that fat fuck's house isn't it?" Shifty yelled.

Petunia stepped out of the cab. "Shifty let go of my skirt!" she yelled "Please! Can we be together?" he said desperately. Petunia pulled Shifty from her. "No!" She kicked the door shut and walked up the golden plated path. Petunia smoothed out the wrinkles of her skirt and rang the doorbell. A 70's disco theme started playing. The opened instantly revealing a shirtless Disco bear with two bottles of champagne, one in each hand. "Hey baby, it's about time you came!" Disco bear said in a smooth voice."

Petunia cringed a little. "Not in your life span bear. I'm here to clean your house....for a price of course!" Petunia said. Disco bear gave her confused look. _My house isn't dirty! Well my room is._ Disco bear stepped aside and let Petunia in. Petunia examined the 70's themed room. All was clean and organized. _Wow, for a perv who would've thought he had taken the time to clean his house! And I thought he was lazy!_ Petunia walked up the stairs and looked in all the rooms surprisingly all was clean.

_He keeps a neat theater but I bet there's something dirty in here_. Petunia opened the bathroom door and walked in. "Wow, pretty clean." She said to herself. The gramophone turned to look at the toilet. "Ew! I knew guys can't keep a toilet a clean!" Petunia backed up and felt herself against somebody. _Ew! It feels really fat!_ Petunia jumped up and around. "Hey! Were you following me!" She snapped. "Duh! It's my house! Now are ya gonna drink or clean?" Disco bear said still holding the bottles of champagne in his hand.

"I'm gonna clean your house! Now where's your bedroom?" She said already getting angry. Disco bear's expression lightened. "Of course!" He grabbed her hand and ran to his room. "Like I said, Disco bear gets what he wants!" Petunia pushed Disco bear away. "Dream...the fuck on!" Petunia opened the door and gasped. "What the hell happened here!" All she could see were clothes, old pizza boxes, moldy food, liquor bottles, and numerous car keys laying everywhere.

"Holy shit on ice! This place looks like ground zero!" Petunia kicked some of the beer bottles aside and made a path on the floor. "Ew! This is gross!" Petunia pulled out her brown bag and started to breathe heavily in it. She marched out of the room and got a huge garbage bag. "Under no circumstances should a room be this filthy!" Petunia put on rubber gloves and started to pick up the trash. "Lets see, moldy pizza box, vodka bottles, pictures of drunk gir-" "Give me that!" Disco bear snatched the picture from Petunia.

_God what a fat perv!_ Petunia went over to the other corner and picked up some of the trash. "What's women's underwear doing in his draw! I gotta take a picture of this!" Petunia took a picture of the drawer filled with feminine stuff, some even still had the price tags on it! Petunia sifted around the draw and found a little black box." I wonder what's in here!" she said to herself. Petunia opened the box_. No flippin' way! Disco bear has pictures of himself dressed up as a girl!_ Petunia grabbed several pictures and stuffed them in her pocket.

She got up and looked at her ankles. "Ewwwww!" She started to breathe fast and heavily while she ran into the bathroom. Petunia put her feet in the tub and turned on the water. She quickly started to scrub her lower ankles and feet with soap. After ten minutes of non stop scrubbing, she shook her feet dry and slipped them back in her black high heel shoes then headed for the door. "No, no, no, no, no! Never again am I giving myself a heart attack for the sake of earning money! If I want money, I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way…I'm gonna have to take it from him!"

Petunia walked downstairs and sat on the couch next to disco bear. "Hey, Disco bear!...so, you wanna do something?" She said sweetly. Disco bear immediately put his arms around her waist. "Hey, like I said the

Disco man gets what he wants!" _Yeah in your dreams! _"Um…yeah…Hey look a twinkie!" Petunia pointed at the window. Disco immediately turned his head. "Where!" Petunia reached for the vase and smashed it on he back of his head. Petunia turned the body over and searched his pockets. _Aha! I found his wallet! _Petunia briskly opened it up and took out a wad of money, _Jackpot! _Petunia ran out the house and across the street to Lumpy's trailer and knocked on the door. The door opened slowly revealing a tired Lumpy with a coffee mug in his hand. "Here's your money Lumpy!" Petunia handed the money to the moose.

Lumpy gave her a puzzled look. "What money? You don't owe me any money!" Lumpy stepped back and slammed the door shut. "I did all this for nothing then. Ahhhhh!" Petunia calmed down. "Well, nothing left to do but shopping!"

--

**I know it's a suckish ending and this chapter was weird but whatever. Anyways. Review!...or I'll find you.**


	9. Flaky

Well here's the next chapter.

Chapter 9- Flaky

Flaky opened the door to her studio apartment and threw her books on her couch. _Wow, college is a real burden._ Flaky sat down at her table and sifted through the sea of junk mail. While sifting, Flaky's eye caught sight of a white envelope with big red bold letters that said "Notice of eviction" "Holy shit! My rent!" Flaky grabbed the envelope, ripped it open and read it. "By October 31, 2009 the owner must vacate the premises!" She screamed.

Flaky fanned herself with some of the envelopes. "Okay, okay, calm down Flaky, I just need to get an extra job...but what?" Flaky took the newspaper off the table and went over to the couch. _Maybe some reading will take my mind off of this _Flaky opened the paper to the middle and began reading. She cane across a small ad at the bottom if the paper. "Blood donors needed." She read. "If I can donate enough blood, it'll be enough for me pay the rent!" She said happily.

(Time Skip- 10 hours)

Flaky walked down the busy sidewalk until she saw ambulance with the sign "Blood donors needed" on the side window. Flaky gripped her wrists and thought about how squeamish she was when it came to needles. Flaky stepped in the ambulance nervously. The fetor of rubbing alcohol and some sort if rubber quickly entered her nose. Flaky saw a blind mole putting on his jacket but ripped a button off and put if in his pocket. _What's the Mole doing here? Isn't he blind?_

"U-um excuse me, I'd like to donate done blood." Flaky said timidly. The Mole walked Flaky over to a chair and sat her down. (I hope this isn't gonna hurt!) The Mole took up a large needle and held Flaky's left arm down and held the needle up high as if he was going to stab her arm. Flaky's eyes widened. (Holy shit! This homicidal blind guy is trying to kill me!) Flaky closed her eyes and looked away. _Well, it was nice knowing myself._ Flaky heard the needle go in but didn't feel it. _Huh?_ She looked at her arm. Nothing was there.

Instead, the needle was in the couch. _Phew!_ The mole took out the needle and replaced it with another one. He firmly held Flaky's arm down. Flaky started to take deep breaths and council herself. _Its okay Flaky, it's not gonna hurt, it's not gonna hurt it- _The mole pushed the needle up in Flaky's arm. "Ahhhhhh! Oh my god! Oh my god! Let me go!" She wailed. But the mole didn't listen. The mole pushed the needle to the side and broke it.

Flaky screamed and cried for mercy, but somehow the Mole didn't listen. He fastened another needle and pushed the broken part out. Finally he put the needle in the right place. Flaky stopped crying but still was sobbing softly. After a pint of blood _or probably more_ was taken the mole removed the needle and gave her one hundred dollars. (In HTF currency it's one gold coin) Flaky wobbled out the ambulance. "W-well it's worth pain to get a tenth of what I owe." Flaky muttered to herself.

Flaky looked at the shiny gold coin. "What the hell?" Her supposedly gold coin was just a green button. "Lying bastard!" Flaky turned around and ran back to the ambulance. She ran in to see the mole sewing a gold coin onto his jacket. "Hey what about my money!" Flaky pointed to the gold coin The mole was sewing onto his jacket. The mole gestured her to the chair. Deciding that she had no time, Flaky held her arm out to do the donation.

The mole fastened another needle, and this time did it right. Flaky was sitting on a chair with the needle tapped in the right position. Flaky's face was turning pale, and so was her arm. The mole came, and tossed her the coin. Flaky looked at it. It was a shiny gold coin. She sighed contently and left. While walking down the street, Flaky bumped into somebody. "Sorry!" A green bear wearing a beret helped Flaky up.

"Flippy what are you doing here?" Flaky asked, rubbing her head. "I'm taking a walk. Wanna come with me?" he asked good-naturedly. Flaky nodded and held his hand. "Uh, what are you doing?" Flippy said. "Nothing!" Flaky let go of his hand and put her hands in her jacket pocket. Flippy glanced at Flaky's eyes. "You like something's eating away with you. What's wrong?" Flaky sighed. "Well I have to pay my back rent or elder I'm assed out of my apartment! It's bad enough I'm struggling to pay tuition."

"Oh...well if that happened you can just stay over at my house!" Flippy chirped. _Stay at Flippy's house! What's gonna happen to me when he flips out? I might get killed! Or worse...raped!_ "Um that's really nice of you but, I can't because...it feels bad! And uh, I'm not used to staying with others." Flaky stammered. A faint line of distaste appeared on Flippy's face. "You know, you could've said that you didn't wanna stay with me, not make some lie." He said coldly.

"Y-yeah. Uh, I'm late...for something!" Flaky ran around the corner and stopped in front of a mega store. There was a huge sign in the window that said "Cashiers needed." "Well how hard can being a cashier be?" Flaky walked through the automatic doors. _Hmm, looks like a knock-off Wal-Mart in here._ Lumpy, the manager approached her with a friendly smile. "Hiya! What can I do for you?" He chirped. "Um, I'd like to apply for the cashier job." Flaky said timidly.

Lumpy went behind the counter and took up a blue vest. "You got the job!" He threw the jacket to Flaky. He took out a black marker and a blank white name tag and was a bout to write on it. "So what's your name?" Lumpy asked. "F-Flaky." She said timidly. Lumpy wrote the name and gave it to her. "By the way, you start right now and earn 9.50 every hour." Flaky put the blue vest on and was about to pin the name tag when she saw the error Lumpy made. The name tag read "F-Flaky"

_What a dumb ass! _Flaky thought. "Well as long as nobody sees me I'll be okay." She said to herself as she went behind the counter. An tan bear wearing a red robe and carrying a cub approached the counter and started to put everything down. Flaky first took up the apple sauce, checked the prices and put them in the bag. Unfortunately, Pop put Cub on the counter, so Flaky accidentally picked Cub up, beamed the laser in his eyes, causing him to go blind, and put him in the bag while Pop wasn't looking.

Once Flaky was done checking out all the items, she caught side of one of the bags. It was slowly breathing and moving and then stopped. _Holy fuck! I just killed Pop's baby! Okay, just calm down. I'll just pull the bag behind the counter and he'll never know! Oh wait, there's already stuff in the bag! So he'll know he's missing something! _"U-um your total today is 107 dollars." Flaky said trying to jeep her cool. Pop fished around in his back pocket until he found his wallet. He pulled out one gold coin and a silver one.

Flaky took the money and gave Pop back 13 dollars. "H-have a nice day!" Flaky chirped nervously. Pop nodded, took his bags and left. Flaky let out a huge sigh of relief. "Next!" she said. Another tan bear came. Except he had an afro and a yellow jumpsuit. _Oh god, what's he doing here?_ "Whoa, Flaky! What are you doing here? What happened to that other hot girl who used to work here?" Flaky rolled her eyes and started to scan the items.

To spite Disco bear, Flaky read all the fatty foods out loud so the costumers behind him could hear the quantity of food he was buying. "Hmmm, eight three liter bottles of Pepsi, one twelve pack of zebra cakes, Doritos, ten TV dinners, two packs of skittles, and...oh look! More soda! So your total today is 60 dollars." Disco bear glared at Flaky. Giggles and Petunia were behind him giggling. Feeling embarrassed he quickly took the food and left. Flaky looked at the coin. _A hundred bucks! Hmmm...wouldn't hurt to pocket it. After all, mega stores like this are runner by corporate fat cats anyway._

Flaky slipped the coin in her back pocket. "Uh, what are you doing?" Flaky looked up to see Petunia staring curiously at her. "Uh, nothing!" Flaky started to check the prices. At the corner of her eye she noticed Lifty and Shifty come in the store with unusually bulgy trench coats. _What are they hiding?_ They pulled out two guns and pointed it at everybody around them. "Get on the floor, this is a robbery!" Lifty yelled. Flaky wasted no time and hid behind the counter.

Shifty hit Lifty with his gun. "Why the hell do you have to say that?" He hissed. A few people started to laugh. "Shut up!" Shifty shot Toothy making his brains splatter all over Petunia. "Dirrrrrt!" She ran around in circles trying to get the blood off of her.

"Shut the fuck up!" Shifty shot Petunia in the head to silence her cries. Flaky felt a little but of blood splatter on the top of her forehead. Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She was scared stiff. Soon, her tears became soft sobs. The cold feel of metal was pressed against her head. Flaky abruptly stopped and stiffened. Flaky put her hands up and stood up slowly. "Whoa, Flaky? You work here?" Shifty said amazed.

"U-uh, yeah." Flaky said nervously. "Well in that case...give me all the money in the cash register and that ring." He said nicely. _He's being nice?_ Flaky took the ring off and gave Shifty the money. "Let's go Shifty the manager is coming!" Lifty had just finished killing and robbing all eye witness. "Alright I'm coming!" He dropped the gun in Flaky's hand, did his signature laugh and left.

Lumpy the manager came out and saw the carnage. "What the hell?" He looked at Flaky, still holding the machine gun. "You! You're fired!" He yelled. Flaky looked at the gun in her hand. _Hmm, I wonder of there's still bullets in this thing..._ Flaky aimed for Lumpy's head and fired. Five more bullets went into Lumpy's head out the other side and hit the shelves. Flaky threw the gun aside and ran over to Lumpy.

She searched through his pockets and found his wallet in his back pocket. "I can't believe I'm doing this!" She said to herself. She opened his wallet and found 500 dollars inside and a credit card. "Well I guess stealing never hurt. I mean Lifty and Shifty do it all the time!" Flaky took the money and ran to the automatic doors. _Wait a minute..._ Flaky ran back and took Lumpy's credit card. _Mine now!...but I do feel bad for Lumpy though_

--

"So, why do you want this job?" Lumpy asked. "U-uh...because I need the money." Flaky stammered. _Oh my god! How does he not recognize me?_ "Oh well, you're hired!" Lumpy said cheerfully. "Oh, one more thing. What's your name?" He asked. "Fl- Er...Petunia!" Flaky lied. "Okay Petunia here you go get to work!" Lumpy threw a shovel and broom at Flaky.

I don't why I agreed to do this!" Flaky yelled. But since she was all alone no one heard. "Grave keeping. Why did I get this job?! More importantly, who cleans up a cemetery? It's scary..." She mumbled to herself. "Then why are you here?" A voice hissed. Flaky dropped her shovel. Her legs started to shake and her heart was pounding through her chest." She slowly turned around to see Evil Flippy carrying eight dead bodies. "Aw, you look like you've seen a killer." He said in a fake sweet voice.

_Holy shit! Can my day get any worse?!_ Flaky slowly backed up. With every step she took back Evil took one step forward. "P-please d-don't hurt me!" She cried. "Oh it's too late for that one! And besides, its only fair that I get to kill you since you caused me to get hit by a truck!" Evil hissed. "I-I'm sorry! I was just paranoid!" Flaky backed up till her back was pressed against a tree. _Shit! I'm trapped! _ Evil withdrew his bowie knife and was about to stab Flaky in the stomach.

Flaky moved out of the way. Evil's bowie knife was stuck in the tree. "Shit!" Flaky saw this as an opportunity and ran. "Come back here you bitch!" Evil yelled. Flaky ran as fast as she could. Her chest tightened and her breaths were getting shorter and heavier. Flaky tripped over a rock. "Crap!" She heard the sound of leaves crunching coming closer and closer; which meant one thing. Evil was coming. Flaky picked herself up. Her legs were tired from running. She ambled to a nearby head stone and sat behind it. Evil's foot steps became closer and closer and then went away.

_Huh?_ Flaky looked her right and nobody was there. _Where'd he go?_ Flaky sat back down and looked to her left. "Hello!" He chirped. "Ahhhhh!" Flaky shrieked. Evil quickly pinned her down by her arms. "P-please don't do this! I can't take pain!" She cried. "Oh it's to late for that one. Say goodbye." Evil readied his Bowie knife and aimed for Flaky's stomach. _Well this is how its gonna end...again...painfully. Unless..._

Flaky wrapped her arms around Evil's neck and kissed him. Within seconds, Evil's eyes turned into black pupils and his sharp jagged teeth turned back into the usual Tree Friends buck teeth. Flippy's eyes widened in the position they were in but chose to let the moment last a little while longer. Flaky pushed Flippy off of her and looked at his eyes. They were the usual big black pac man eyes she saw in Flippy.

"F-Flaky? Why are we in a cemetery?" Flippy said weakly. "Oh no! did I flip out again?" He panicked. "Uh...no you didn't!" Flaky said quickly. Flippy helped Flaky up "Well lets get out of here. This place is creepy." The two snuck past the gates, trying not to wake Lumpy who should be watching. Flippy stepped on a fresh twig and it made a loud snap. _Aw come on! Why me and why now! _ Lumpy quickly awoke and saw Flaky trying to leave.

"Hey! Why are you leaving? You're supposed to be bury bodies!" Lumpy snapped. "Yeah well…this job is way to creepy and _I'm_ quitting!" Flaky said smugly. "Wha-? Why?" Lumpy asked. "Because your greedy and you care too much about money anymore questions?" Flaky snapped.

--

Flaky kicked a can as she walked down the street. _Well this is it. I only have like 700 dollars and today is my deadline! If I get kicked out then I'll have to live with Flippy! And that's like ten miles away from my college. Can't even pay for a dorm…Wait a minute! I stole Lumpy's credit card! I could just withdraw money and pay for my rent! _

Flaky ran to a grocery store and went up to the ATM machine. _I just hope I don't arrested for this or I'm toast… _Flaky took 350 dollars from the machine and walked out of the store. "There she is!" Screamed a police officer. _What's going on? _"Arrest her!" Lumpy yelled. Two police officers grabber arms and cuffed them behind her back. _Aw come on! _

_--_

The two officers threw her in a cold damp jail cell and locked the cell. "Have fun with your new friends!" Snorted one of the officers. _New friends? What new friends? _Flaky turned around to see none other than Lifty and Shifty in the corner. "What are you in for?" Asked Shifty. Flaky hung her head and sighed. "Credit card theft."

"Hey just like me!" Lifty chirped. Shifty punched Lifty in the shoulder. "No one asked you!" The growled at each other and started fighting. Flaky turned away. _Well on the bright side this is free housing right?_

Sorry if this chapter didn't sound too good. If there's anyway that I can re write this chapter feel free to tell me. Oh well. Review!...Or I'll find you.


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